I Tried
by silbecoo
Summary: Moving on his hard, for everyone, but all they can do is try.
1. Loneliness

**A/N: I really like this little show. I'm not sure what it is, but I find the characters adorable.** **This is probably gonna be a multi chapter, and I really appreciate any and all comment or suggestions.**

Paris was quiet. Well, maybe not quiet, people chattered in a language he couldn't understand. Talking about what? Baguettes? Coffee? He didn't really know. He was just uncomfortably out of place, alone in a sea of people. For the first time in his life he felt truly lonely.

And it wasn't Georgie's fault. She was just as affectionate as before, just as loving. Her hair still smelled like flowers when he buried his nose in it. Something called gardenias she'd told him. But it was different. There was nothing for him here. When she wasn't around, which was pretty often, he had nothing to do. He'd lounged around the tiny parisian apartment until he'd been driven totally stir crazy, finally setting out to explore the city on his own.

He'd stuck out like a sore thumb. The impossibly tall American, nodding in confusion when people deigned to speak to him. What people said about the French hating americans wasn't true. Well, not entirely anyway. Most people broke into heavily accented english when he finally did speak to them, some even smiling in pity at his inability to communicate in their native tongue.

Georgie's friends were the real problem. They were the only people he got to see on a regular basis, and they intentionally spoke in rapidly sibilant words that he couldn't even begin to comprehend, casting him sideways glances before tittering into their hands. Georgie always replied in an amused tone, clearing her throat slightly before she translated for him.

He could see that she felt torn, and he couldn't blame her for trying to settle into her new life. But this wasn't working for him. He missed New York, and his loud and over-involved family. He felt so homesick that at first he'd actually thought he was coming down with something, begging Georgie to take his temperature.

He'd started skyping with his mother right away, trying to find a good time for both of them, the six hour time difference only making it a little difficult. And it was ok, for a while, their weekly chats alleviating some of the ache in his chest. But it didn't take long for his mother to point out that she was the only person he ever talked to. Yes, he missed his brother… and Riley, but it was too difficult seeing them knowing what he knew.

Right new, Bonnie was giving him one of her patented looks, one eyebrow arched slightly, her mouth turned down a little in disappointment. The intensity of the look wasn't damped one bit by the span of an ocean. "Honey, I thought you'd moved on."

Her pitying tone was enough to send him straight into denial mode. "Of course, Mom. I _moved _all the way to Paris." Sometimes his penchant for being a little too literal was helpful. He could pretend he didn't know what she was talking about. The last thing in the world he wanted to hear about was Ben and Riley. He didn't have to be told what a picture they made, with Emma, the perfect little family. It was an image he hadn't been able to get out of his head since they'd bade him goodbye at the airport.

He decided it was time to end the call. "Alirght, I have to go, Georgie's got a thing. Tell everyone I love them."

"Everyone?" There it was again, that all knowing look. He prayed she'd keep her meddling under control. She only wanted what was best for her children, but her good intentions rarely ended well.

"Of course."

She sighed. "Are you happy, son? And don't lie to me, Danny. I'm your mother, I have special powers. I will _know._"

He smiled a little sadly into the camera. "Of course, I'm happy, and I hope _everyone_ else is too." Bonnie wasn't the only one who could cast some pretty telling looks. He hoped she got the message and dropped it.

She sighed, her shoulders slumping dramatically. "Look, I think there's something-"

He cut her off. This conversation was exactly what he'd been avoiding for the past two months. "I really do have to go, Mom. I love you, and I'll call you again in a couple days. Kiss Emma for me."

She snapped her mouth shut, nodding. He almost thought she was gonna keep her opinions to herself, but before he could end the call she burst into speech. A cascade of words tumbling from her mouth. "Ben and Riley are terrible together. They fight all the time, and Ben is still too immature for a real relationship, and I think you should just come back because you look miserable. And what the hell do you do all day anyway while little miss fancy pants british _  
Vogue _editor galavants around with her fancy pants friends? Huh? And, Danny, are you really gonna throw your career away to follow some girl around like a puppy dog? Training camp starts in a few weeks, you do have a contract to keep."

She only stopped because she ran out of breath, panting as she got to the end. This time she pursed her lips together, fighting back tears. "We miss you, sweetheart. Is it really worth it?"

Why was she doing this to him? Bringing up things that hurt? He didn't know what he was doing. At the time it had seemed like a wonderful idea. And he had to get away. He hadn't really planned very far ahead, just assuming that his new relationship would continue to grow, would continue to push the relentless ache in his chest away. "I do… stuff, Mom."

His voice was thick with emotion, a lump suddenly forming in his throat. He couldn't continue, afraid that he would admit a few things to his mother that he hadn't even said aloud to himself. "I know I have to think seriously about… those other things, ok, and I will."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

His mother nodded, a tiny smile of satisfaction finally gracing her features. "Alright, son, I'll talk to you later. I love you."

"I love you, too."

The call ended, and Danny was left alone in the quiet apartment, with unfilled hours stretching before him. He took a deep breath, rising from the chair, carefully sitting the laptop aside. He had to get out of here, stretch his legs, fill his lungs with fresh air.

Snatching up his ipod, he strode out the door. If there was one good thing about Paris, it was that for the most part if you wanted to be ignored, people totally ignored you.


	2. Ideas

**A/N: And the next chapter, so soon too! This always happens at the beginning of the story, the chapters just pour out. I love it.**

Riley looked at herself in the mirror, small almost unnoticeable circles under her eyes, a pallid tone to her skin. Her nightly rituals now included a new mantra. _Don't have the dreams._ She repeated it to herself over and over again, and it never worked.

She thought about him every day. The way his arms felt circled completely around her, the way he looked at her like he wanted to give her the entire world, the way he said her name, a soft sigh escaping almost as if by accident. The gaping hole in her life now that he was gone.

How many times had she reached for her phone, excitedly tapping his contact picture, ready to give him the low down on her day, only to belatedly realize the number didn't work anymore. The line suspended until he came back to the states. Her throat closed up and tears sprang to her eyes each time she heard the smooth voice of the operator… _The number you have reached is no longer in service…_

She ran water in the sink, splashing the cold liquid on her face, hoping to wash away the confused feelings currently zipping in and out of her. It didn't help much, and she continued with her nightly ablutions.

She could only assume he didn't want to talk to her. There'd been no attempt made to contact her in the two months he'd been gone, no calls to let her know how things were going. This was the first time they'd ever gone this long without something. Even as a kid, when she was at camp, he'd written her. Sure, the letters had mostly consisted of detailed rundowns of hockey practice, or Ben's latest romantic shenanigans, but at least he'd written.

This utter radio silence was eating away at her. Some integral piece of her being had been carved out, a Danny sized hollow in the middle of her chest, making it hard to breathe when Bonnie mentioned talking to him. It wasn't that hard to plaster on her fakest smile, and nod along.

And Ben, poor Ben, he really was getting the short end of the stick. When you started dating a girl who claimed to have loved you for years, you really didn't expected her to be a distracted mess, occasionally crying softly at night. She couldn't help it though, especially not after waking up from those dreams, the ones that didn't seem like dreams at all, but just an alternate universe in which Danny hadn't left.

She tapped her toothbrush against the side of the sink, cupping her hands beneath the running water. She swished the cool liquid around her mouth, spitting it almost angrily into the basin. She caught herself in the mirror one last time before turning to leave, and stopped to study her features. Was there some clue on the currently tired lines of her face?

Did she love Ben? Sure, maybe, kind of… It was certainly true that she loved all the Wheelers, they were her family, almost more than her actual family. But did she _love _love Ben? She didn't know. At one point in time she would have answered that question with a resounding yes, but now, well, she was beginning to think that she'd built him up so much, that she'd been in love with someone who didn't even exist.

Ben was sweet, yes, and he cared a great deal about her, but it wasn't the same. He never went out of his way to make her happy like Danny. Even his biggest romantic gesture to date, had turned out to be Danny's idea. Ben had let her know on the way home from the airport. She couldn't even think about it without misery coursing through her.

* * *

They rode silently in the car, Bonnie asleep in the back seat, Riley using it as a good excuse not to talk. It had been the strangest sensation of her life, watching Danny walk away hand in hand with Georgie, Bonnie crying dramatically at her side. She'd felt like a limb was being amputated, like her voice box was being crushed.

The hum of the engine hypnotizing her slightly as her thoughts wandered. Ben glanced in the rearview mirror, taking in his mother's mascara streaked face. He laughed under his breath. "You'd think he was never coming back, the way she carried on."

His comment broke Riley out of her trance, and she smiled sadly. "Your mother's not one to miss an opportunity for dramatics. She nearly had a heart attack when she saw the treehouse on the roof." Her sad smile morphed into a genuine, the warmth she'd felt upon first seeing the treehouse herself filtered through her.

Ben laughed, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel. "Yeah, I think she was mostly concerned with the fact that Danny did most of the heavy lifting. 'Ben, he could injure himself, and poof, bye bye hockey career!' But it's not like I could have stopped him. As soon as he got the idea to save it, he was like an unstoppable locomotive."

Everything was spinning. Riley closed her eyes to fend off the nausea she felt enveloping her. The motion squeezed out a couple tears, and she jerked her head toward the window to hide it. Quickly brushing them away, she cleared her throat. "Uh, Danny's idea? I thought…"

She trailed off, once again feeling too choked up to continue. Ben didn't notice. "Yeah, he was so gung ho about it all, rattling off all these nostalgic little stories as we took the thing apart. It was kind of perfect, though, right? I mean, it's like a metaphor, or something… your safe place is with me now… et cetera."

Riley nodded, unable to continue the conversation, the despair settling in the pit of her stomach like lead. She didn't notice Ben sneaking a glance, measuring her reaction. His shoulders fell a little, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel once again. He turned his attention back to the road. "Man, Georgie and Danny are moving fast though, right? Maybe they'll be engaged or something before he comes back. Paris is the most romantic city in the world, isn't it?"

The words cut, bringing home the reality of everything that had just happened. She mumbled her agreement, faking a huge yawn. "I think I'm gonna take a cue from your mom and nap the rest of the way home."

Ben nodded, snaking his hand into her lap, grasping her lax fingers. He withdrew after a few minutes, telling himself her lack of response was merely because she'd already fallen asleep.

* * *

She slipped across the threshold silently, padding across the hardwood floor in the dark. She dodged a pile of dirty clothes by memory alone, stopping when her knees bumped up against the mattress.

She could hear him, snoring softly in the dark. His compact form curled up underneath the comforter outlined by the faint light coming through the window. Sixteen year old Riley would have a panic attack if she knew twenty-five year old Riley was about to crawl into bed with Ben Wheeler. She'd be so excited, she'd immediately go write it in her diary, and then… then she'd go call Danny and tell him all about it.

She slipped under the comforter, pushing away the thought suddenly accosting her. She reminded herself, she couldn't call Danny. He was probably currently curled up with Georgie right now, softly mumbling in his sleep, probably in the deeply satisfied sleep that only comes from just having had really good sex.

She stiffened, curling into herself. Yeah, Danny was with someone right now, happily, and Riley needed the nightly reminder. She just wished he'd talk to her sometime, let her know how he was doing, so she could really get past this. Just hearing him talk about the other woman would probably be enough.

He resolve solidified. That's what she needed, just to hear the happiness in his voice, it would let her know she made the right decision, the he'd made the right decision. It would allow her to finally relax into this thing with Ben, give her a chance to feel the love she knew she was capable of.

She uncurled from the fetal position, her rustling movement causing Ben to stir. He wrapped his arm around her, drawing her close. She nestled into his chest, sleep creeping in. Yes, everything would be fine once she talked to Danny. She fell asleep smiling, her plan of action already percolating in her mind.


	3. Online

**A/N: I'm really liking writing this fic, and I hope whoever is reading it is enjoying it as well. I basically live for reviews, and I understand this is a smallish fandom, but please feel free to leave a comment on just about anything, all feedback is appreciated and read with relish.**

Riley checked her watch for the hundredth time, the little crystal face winking her reflection back at her. She mentally calculated the time difference. It would be five o'clock in Paris, the late afternoon slipping into evening.

What was it like there? A balmy night, the air whipping slightly across the _Seine _as lovers walked hand in hand? Did Danny and Georgie take long walks along the riverfront, hand in hand as they strolled? An ache she'd never felt began to envelop her, something akin to nostalgia. That didn't make sense. She couldn't miss something she'd never known.

She blinked away a sudden moisture, focusing on the task at hand. She'd noted the time Bonnie had mentioned talking to Danny, and had he fingers crossed that he'd pick up her call.

It hadn't been easy. She had no idea what his handle on Skype was, and had basically broken into Bonnie's apartment just to use her computer. It wasn't breaking and entering if you had a spare key, right? And it wasn't hacking if you knew the password. Mrs. Wheeler had used the same one for everything since they were kids: bonniethebabe.

Riley glanced at her watch again, this time to make sure the flamboyant blonde was still at her dance class. Reassured, she reluctantly turned back to the computer screen. Her palms felt suddenly sweaty as she stared at the little icon. _Online_.

She patted down her hair, a little nervous tic she'd developed in the past ten minutes. She made a conscious effort to pull her hand away from the short locks, only to find it fidgeting with the sparkly necklace at her throat. The damn thing wouldn't lie flat for some reason.

She grunted in frustration and jerked her hand away, resting it lightly on the mouse pad. It was now or never. The cursor hovered over the call button, the muscles in her throat slightly contracting as she took a deep breath and clicked.

* * *

Danny hooked his finger underneath the collar of his shirt, running it back and forth. It suddenly felt extremely restrictive. The dinner jacket stretched across his shoulders only added to his discomfort. Another night, another fancy dinner/gallery opening with Georgie's colleagues.

He glanced down at his phone, reading the last message he'd sent her, a tiny wave of guilt crashing over him. _I'm not feeling well, I don't know if I can do dinner tonight._ It was a lie, and he wasn't entirely sure why he'd sent it.

It wasn't that he didn't like spending time with her, he did. Her friends were just not his kind of people. The first time he'd even brought up hockey, conversation had come to a grinding halt, and they'd stared at him like he'd grown antlers. He'd even been tempted to surreptitiously run his fingers through his hair just to check. He'd quickly learned that the only topics they cared about were related to 'the industry,' as Georgie referred to it. Fashion, models, photographers. To Danny it was just a jumble of unpronounceable names and ugly clothing choices. He'd learned to sit quietly and sip his too dry wine, the acidity puckering his lips, while everyone chatted around him.

He'd sent the text hours ago, tentatively laying the framework for an excuse to beg off, but she'd never texted him back. She'd been terribly busy lately, her work taking up all of her time, relegating personal relationships to the odd hour here and there. She seemed to be making real waves at the magazine while Danny stalled out.

Left to stew, his guilt eventually pushed him toward the closet, to the pressed suit Georgie had picked out for him. She'd called it 'fitted,' but it was more like a wetsuit, pinching in some pretty inconvenient places. He was sure, fashionable or not, they didn't make fitted suits for someone his size.

Now there was nothing for him to do, but wait. Something he'd been doing with frustrating regularity. He opened his laptop, casually checking his email. He hovered over several from his team manager, but decided not to open them. His future wasn't something he was prepared to figure out, no matter what he told his mother. The prospect of coming back to New York filled him with equal measures of anxiety and happiness. There was so much he missed, but he didn't know if he could handle things the way they were.

He surfed the web aimlessly, signed onto skype to see if his mother was around. _Offline_. He was only mildly surprised, having called her the day before. Still, it would have been nice to see a familiar face before he waded into the sea of pinched-faced strangers. As if on cue, his computer chirped at him, his mother's status changing to _online._

Danny smiled. He could picture her already, sitting in her robe, with a large glass of wine in one hand, possibly after a horrible date. Or maybe Ben had done something ridiculous to set her off. Her eyes would be wide and she would be loud, venting about her youngest son. That was fine by him, he missed the daily drama. He waited, for the inevitable call… It didn't come. It was odd, she wasn't one to lurk online, and never one to miss an opportunity to check in on him.

Just as he was about to sign off, write the thing off as a technological glitch, the speakers began playing the familiar melody. He accepted the call, a broad smile on his face. "What is it this time, M-" His words ground to a halt mid-sentence, the ability to speak deserting him. He was staring at a more than familiar face. A face that he saw every time he closed his eyes, every time he saw sunlight cascading across river, golden like her hair. A face he'd been trying to push away for months. By some miracle he regained his voice. "Riley?"

Okay, so maybe he didn't entirely regain the ability to speak, his voice cracking slightly on the second syllable. He snapped his mouth shut and swallowed hard before trying again. "Riley… uh, I thought, you were my mom, I mean, not literally, but, you are her, on, uh…. the computer." He finished lamely.

She looked surprised. Her impossibly large eyes somehow growing even larger. "Danny, you're all dressed up. I'm sorry if I called at a bad time, I just-"

He cut her off. "No, no. It's not a bad time." Unexpectedly filled with a quiet desperation, the urge to reach out and grasp at something intangible overtook him completely. "This is… just… my regular, doing nothing, nothing planned, suit… things are different in Paris." He was a bumbling idiot, he just didn't want to do anything that might make her go away.

He opened his mouth to continue the idiotic parade of syllables but was saved by the chime of his cell phone. "Hold on one second?"

She nodded, and he turned his attention to his phone. Georgie had finally replied to his message. _Really? I was hoping you could meet me at the gallery. Let me know if you still feel unwell._

Danny only hesitated briefly before tapping out his reply. The tiny stab of guilt pricking at him wasn't enough to change his mind. _I actually feel even worse, I think I need to get some rest. _He shoved aside the guilt, paying service to a much more pervasive urge as he hit send.

He looked back up at the screen, whatever hope he'd had for his conversation with Riley withering as he watched her worry at her bottom lip, eyes averted from the monitor, one hand nervously picking at her necklace. "Danny, we've got a lot to talk about. I didn't want to do it this way, but… I don't know how else to do it. I don't even have your number. How is that even possible? Are we even friends anymore?"

He nodded, swallowing. Of course they were friends. She was his best friend and had been for so long, he wasn't even sure how he was functioning without her. There had to be a way to tell her that, to let her know that he just needed some space and a little time to get used to… everything. He was wholly unprepared for this conversation, the immediate joy that had coursed through him at the sight of her face, instantly dissipated as he recalled the reality that he lived in.

Suddenly it was imperative that she not know about his feelings. He couldn't handle a pitying look from her, of all people. He'd known all along where her feelings had lain, so none of this should have surprised him. He could do it. He could put back on the mask he'd worn for so long, and just let her be happy. He pasted the smile back on his face, prepared to do anything to at least have some of the things they'd had before. This conversation was going to hurt, but maybe he could finally let go of his ache in his limbs, in his chest, this feeling of breathlessness when he thought about the future. He needed Riley back, and if he could only have her as a friend, then he was willing to take that. "Of course we're friends, Riley. I'm sorry about the… lack of communication."


	4. Offline

**A/N: Writing this little fic is really fun. I won't like, I love angst, but my fics always end in fluff (the ones I wrote under my other account, bethofbells, always end fluffily). Even though I was annoyed by the route the show took with my OTP, I secretly kind of liked it because that meant writing fic would be enjoyable. In later chapters I'm hoping to incorporate some smaller characters. Also, I SO appreciate the comments that I've gotten. Don't be shy, they really make my day.**

"So?" Riley's arms were crossed, a resolute expression on her face. She needed to know exactly why Danny had cut off all contact with her.

The grainy image in front of her showed an uncomfortable giant, swallowing hard as he ran his fingers through his hair. "So..."

"Why have you been avoiding me?" She wasn't going to beat around the bush. "No calls, no letters, no emails, come on Danny, it's never been like this with us. We don't keep things from each other."

Something in his face changed, a little movement in the muscles suddenly making him look resigned. "You know that's not entirely true."

The words were spoken softly, and Riley was almost afraid she'd misheard them. "What?"

"Riley, I know that you know, ok. I wasn't very good at hiding it toward the end."

"The end? Are you saying..." It was very hard to breathe, the hand at her collarbone toying unconsciously with the necklace stilled. She swallowed. "You don't feel that way anymore?"

"Riley, when we were kids... it was just... a crush, I guess."

She wrinkled her nose. "Uh, that's so weird to hear. I spent my entire adolescence firmly believing that it wasn't possible for anyone to have any kind of feelings for Ri-gantor, the socially awkward little-"

"Stop it. I thought you were..." He searched for the right word, wanting to say the right thing, to eradicate the self deprecating tone he was all too familiar with. He settled for the simple truth. "Perfect... to me."

This time she could feel tears welling in her eyes, a desperate feeling pulsing through her with each heartbeat. "And then what?"

"You're still perfect. We're friends and you... you're in love with my brother. He's an idiot, and it took him way too long to realize what he had, but I'm happy for you. One day you'll officially be a Wheeler."

He was smiling now, and Riley squinted at the screen, trying to tell if it was genuine. She cursed the fact that they weren't having this conversation face to face.

He took her silence as a cue to continue. "Not that you haven't always been a part of the family, we all... love you."

She did her best to ignore the pain tearing at her insides. She bit her bottom lip. "Then answer my original question. Why haven't you called? And don't lie to me, Danny, you're a terrible liar, you have at least a dozen tells."

"Ok, so... maybe the crush has resurfaced a couple if times in the past year or so. But you seemed so... You and Ben... Riley, I had to find a way to be happy, ok? And that meant not talking to you for a little while. You have Ben, and I needed to find someone too."

"And did you?"

There was a moment when she thought maybe he wouldn't answer, a slight beat when his lips parted and no sounds came out. In that fraction of a second her mind spun out a thousand different scenarios, one of which involved her running through the streets of New York trying to get a cab to the airport. But then he spoke.

"Yeah, I did. Georgie's great for me. I really hope you guys can learn to be friends."

Something snapped, a string tied to something under her left rib cage pulled tightly and broke, carrying a way some vital piece of her being.

She nodded at his declaration, the ability to form words temporarily abandoning her.

Danny loved Georgie. It was apparent to her just looking at the soft expression on his face while talking about the woman.

She continues to nod, like a broken bobble head until her phone chirped at her. She snapped out of her dazed state and snatched the device up. "Hold on."

Danny leaned back in his chair, acknowledging her request. She looked at the phone, blinking away the moisture that made her vision blurry. 'What time do you think you'll be here tonight? I could order something to eat, if you want.'

It was Ben, the goofy contact picture produced a small smile. He was waiting for her. She'd told him she wanted to talk, hoping her conversation with Danny would lend some clarity, give her a sense of what she needed to do.

And she supposed it had. Danny had moved on, fallen in love with someone who readily loved him back, someone who didn't seesaw back and forth. He deserved that much, and it would just be cruel of her to demand anything else of him.

As for Ben, she'd thought knowing Danny had moved on would give her back the feeling of desperate need she'd once had for Ben, but it wasn't the case.

She still felt unsure of herself. The helpless infatuation that had permeated her very being anytime his name came up, had long since deserted her, and knowing Danny and Georgie were real did little to bring it back.

She had to talk to Ben. Letting him continue to think she was the same infatuated teenager wasn't fair. He had to know where things really stood, if they had any chance at all. _I'll be over around seven. Could you clear everyone out? I think we need to talk._

He instantly replied, _Sure._ The brevity of the text worried her some. It wasn't really like him, but then again 'we need to talk' was a rather ominous sounding message. She could hardly blame him for his trepidation.

She glanced up at the screen again, donning a fake smile. "That was work, I have to go. I'm really glad things are going good in Paris." She bit the inside of her cheek, trying not to reveal too much. "I missed talking to you." She cleared her throat of unvoiced emotion. "So don't be a stranger ok?"

"Ok... I miss you too."

She nodded, a little voice in the back of her head whispering that he'd used the present tense. She ignored it. "Bye, Danny."

"Bye, Riley."

_Offline._


	5. Rainclouds

**A/N: I'm so happy there are a few people reading this thing. I began writing it for myself, but it's always nice to know other people like it. I truly appreciate the comments that I've gotten. It's very encouraging. **

It had been coming for weeks, a dark rain cloud following him around, hovering just over his head. He should have done something about it, pulled her aside and had a real conversation about their relationship, but instead he just waited, bracing himself for the pouring rain.

She was quiet a lot, which was not like her. Her normally effervescent self melting into long sighs and thousand yard stares. He should have said something, should have asked her what was wrong, but he felt like knew the cause of her uncharacteristic behavior, and he didn't want to hear the words tumble from her lips.

He tried to fill the quiet left by her silence, exuberantly talking about Emma, the bar, Tucker's latest dating disaster. Anything but Danny.

Sometimes he could draw her out, inspire a smile that actually reached her eyes, but it became more difficult with each passing day, and it began to wear on him, to feel like work. It was the last thing he'd expected, for this to be hard.

She loved him, right? She'd said it before, explained to him all the years she'd been waiting to be noticed, all that time she'd spent pining over him. It had been flattering at first, a boost to his already healthy ego, but the more he thought about it, the more guilt began to seep into him.

He really hadn't noticed her, not when they were kids definitely. She'd been a fixture in his life, the neighbor girl permanently attached to Danny's hip, someone he'd known since they were both in diapers. She hadn't even been on his radar.

And yes, he could admit that when they were teens he'd never quite seen her as a dating option, the plump nerd, who sometimes got really neurotic, or really competitive depending on the situation.

And when he _had _noticed her, it wasn't for her sweet personality or sunny smile. He struggled to tamp down one particular memory, shame filling him as it flashed before his eyes.

* * *

He'd never understood Danny and Riley's friendship, and was confused beyond belief by his brother's choice to hang out with the short blonde when he could have been out chasing girls. He was a popular jock, girls batting their overly mascara'd eyelashes at him whenever he glanced in their direction.

Maria Decano had been the final straw for Ben, the pretty brunette with the tiny waist had been flirting with him all year, but her overprotective father would only let her go on group dates. Which was fine, she had a sister who was even prettier, and the odds were in his favor. Elisa Decano had a severe crush on his brother.

But Danny was more than uninterested, he was almost flabbergasted at the suggestion he go on a date with her. "What would we talk about? I don't even know her. Besides, Riley and me are going to the skating rink Saturday, slap a few pucks around before grabbing something to eat."

It wasn't the first time Danny had thrown a wrench in Ben's plans because of Riley. He cast a disgusted look at his brother, snorting derisively as he spoke. "You'd get so much tail if you'd just drop that dead weight following you around all the time."

"Dead weight?"

For a second Ben regretted his rashly spoken words, hearing Danny's genuine confusion, but he couldn't get past his own thwarted sex life. "Ri-gantor, stomping through the city, scaring away the hot villagers."

Danny's reaction was swift and surprising, pinning Ben up against the nearest wall. "Don't talk about her like that." The angry expression on his face had given Ben pause. His feet dangling inches above the floor, a reminder of the size difference between the two.

Before Ben could utter the apology perched on his lips, Danny pulled away, staring at his brother with a serious expression. "Riley is..." He trailed off, searching for the right words. "... she's my friend, Ben. You can't say things like that about her."

This time it was Ben's face awash in confusion. "What? You call her that all the time."

"No, she calls herself that sometimes, and only because she's heard people say it behind her back. Sometimes things hurt less if you own them... Haven't you ever noticed the look she gets when she says it?"

Did she get a look? His brow furrowed in concentration as he struggled to recall. He certainly hadn't noticed it. "Uh, sure... won't happen again, relax."

* * *

But it hadn't been the last time he'd wished her away, or even the last time he referred to her by the hurtful nickname, when he bothered to notice her at all. She'd put a damper on a lot of his shallower plans, pointing out how inconsiderate he could be. And it was with huge irritated sighs that he conceded her points. Sure, he was a better person for it, but it wasn't fun for a teenage boy.

And even then she'd wanted him? The little insensitive prick collecting marks on his bedposts? How? He really didn't understand it at all, and constantly berated himself for not having realized earlier.

Sure, _now _he felt deserving of some degree of affection. He'd definitely matured in the past year. A younger Ben would have hurt her, there wasn't a doubt in his mind. But things were different, there was little he wouldn't do to make her happy, little he wouldn't change about himself to make their path easier, and honestly, he knew he still had some growing up to do.

Sometimes though, he just didn't know how to go about it. He didn't know what would put a smile on her face when she's had a bad day. He didn't know how to erase the lines of exhaustion after she'd spent an entire night deposing a witness, or searching through dozens of boxes of discovery.

He wished he'd noticed her sooner, opened his eyes to the miracles possible before him. It was frustrating that Danny could think of the perfect gesture to make her smile, the perfect gift, the perfect… anything.

He was ashamed to admit it, but Danny leaving had been a relief to him, a huge weight lifted off his chest. It seemed as though the final barrier between him and everything he'd wanted for… well the past couple of months… had finally been removed. Without Danny to distract her, to compare him to, he was sure they would grow inseparable.

But now, instead of growing closer, they were drifting, and he wondered if they'd ever been truly connected to begin with. The common thread for so long had been Danny, and now that he was gone, there were awkward silences, and an indefinable sadness that hung in the air.

The ride of the airport home had only been a harbinger of things to come. And it wasn't like Ben had intended on hiding the fact that the treehouse had been Danny's idea, but he did regret letting the words slip so easily from his lips. There had been a chill in the car the rest of the ride home, and he knew that he had lost something. Maybe never even had it to begin with.

So here he sat, alone in his apartment, a state of being that was truly rare considering how on top of each other everyone in his life seemed to be. Tucker had taken his not so subtlety dropped hints and disappeared for the day, and his mother had happily taken Emma on a play date.

He looked at his watch, 6:30. She'd be here in half an hour, and he still hadn't figured out what he was going to do. And there wasn't a doubt, he sure as hell needed to do something, to stop her from slipping away. Some grand romantic gesture to bind them together. If she just knew how invested he already was, maybe she would relax, lean into this relationship.

Riley had looked at him so strangely this morning. Her eyes tired and a little sad. She'd slipped away from his goodbye hug with her shoulders slightly hunched. "Can we talk when I'm done with work today?"

The question still reverberated in his ears, and the thundercloud hovering over him split open in a deluge. Here it was, exactly what he'd been dreading, but also strangely anticipating. He was tired of this limbo, and wanted to get things out in the open.

His knee shook, the motion of his nervously tapping foot vibrating along his body. Think, damn it. There had to be a way to make her realize.

Suddenly his leg stilled, a strange calm washing over him. He knew what he was going to do, and the thought only made him a little nervous. That was a good sign, right? The fact that he wasn't quaking in his boots at the mere thought? So what if he felt a little queasy, that was to be expected.

He jumped up from the couch, energized by his inspiration, feeling for the first time in weeks like he knew what he was about. He tried to ignore his sweating palms and recklessly beating heart. This was the right thing to do, wasn't it?


	6. Mourning

**A/N: Yay, the muse is still with me. :D I've loved all the feedback that I've gotten. I know I've said it before, but they make me so happy, and I really appreciate anyone taking the time to comment.**

She gathered her things, and quickly slipped out of Bonnie's apartment. It wasn't until she reached the street, passers by giving her strange looks, that she realized there were tears streaming down her face. Running in little rivulets before dripping onto the front of her silk blouse.

Where the hell was this coming from? She angrily swiped at the moisture on her face, mumbling about ruined clothing. It was a fruitless effort, the endless stream continued to flow.

How had she been so clueless? It didn't seem possible that Danny was the cause of this persistent ache, this sudden hollowness in her chest. She stomped along the sidewalk, her determined gait totally undermined by the look misery clearly settled over her.

She'd lost him. She hadn't even known she'd had him and she'd _lost_ him. What was it people said? You don't know what you have until it's gone?

She let out a little half whimper half scream, startling a woman leaning on a lamp post. She wiped at the tears again, calling back to the woman as she continued to move forward. "Don't mind me, just having a little mental breakdown, realizing I'm a walking cliche."

It was entirely possible her words did little to reassure the stranger of her sanity, but Riley found she didn't care all that much as she continued toward her destination.

Ben was waiting for her, probably worried. She felt guilty for what she had to tell him, but it really wasn't fair letting him believe anything other than the truth.

Not that she'd ever lied to him. She'd only just realized the truth herself. There'd never been a time when she hadn't thought Ben was the one she was supposed to be with. And maybe, just maybe that was still true, but they had to start from the beginning, and not from this weird midpoint she'd thrown them into, heaping high school infatuation on top of an adult relationship.

Somehow her legs carried her to Ben's building, following unconscious directions from her preoccupied mind. She stopped at the stoop, staring at the double doors like they were the entrance to hell.

_Stop it. Stop being such a drama queen, Perrin. This is your life, and up until this point you had things under control. You can get it back._

She took a deep breath, trying to regain her confidence, but it didn't work. Her epiphany about her feelings for Danny had shaken her.

She'd been willfully blind, ignoring them because they were inconvenient when he was with someone else, or scary when the possibility of being more than friends had reared it's head.

There'd been opportunities. She knew that, it was impossible to pretend otherwise. For God's sake he'd kissed her on multiple occasions, and she'd felt it. That irresistible pull, starting in her toes, drawing up through her core, settling in her chest. The breathless awe dazing her, however briefly, after he withdrew.

And she'd heard him say it, that he loved her and, marvel of all marvels, that he had for a really long time. She could still hear the sound of his desperate voice coming through the tinny speaker as she played the voicemail.

She'd pushed it all away though, still unable to believe what was in front of her, some part Riley "fatpants" Perrin still afraid, in spite of how far she'd come. Her successful career, her other relationships, all seemed to fall away in the face of this terrifying possibility.

She sniffed angrily, the heat of righteous indignation slowly building. Who could blame her for feeling that way? He'd never said anything to her, in all the years, not a single word, and he was a serial monogamist to boot. Always in a relationship, almost the opposite of his bed hopping younger brother.

The angry set of her jaw relaxed, indignation evaporating before it could take hold. Ben, of course. How could she blame Danny for trying to have a life while she pined, quite obviously over someone else?

Why had it taken him leaving the country for her to realize it was real, to trust in their friendship? Danny was the only person who was _always_ there for her, picking her up when things got overwhelming, giving her things she didn't even know she needed. How many times had she turned to his embrace when she felt like the world was falling apart around her?

But even that was gone. This last conversation had somehow been the death knell for their friendship. Missing some vital window had caused the earth to shift, throwing everything out of balance, and now things could never be the same.

That was where the tears were coming from. Grief, plain and simple. She mourned the loss of their friendship more so even than the possibility of their love.

She squeezed her eyes shut, willing away the hot tears, her resolve strengthening. If Danny had found a way to be happy, then so could she.

Taking a deep breath, she climbed the steps, taking them two at a time. The doors swung open easily under her grasp.

Minutes later she was staring at the oak paneling of Ben's front door, a solemn tranquility within her. She was going to tell Ben the truth, let the chips fall where they may. She cringed. Another cliche, really?

Releasing a deep sigh, she shrugged, they were cliches for a reason. Grasping the doorknob she twisted, the click if the tumblers releasing echoing within her chest.


	7. Practicality

**A/N: Hello again, another day, another update. :D... I really appreciate the feedback, it lights a fire under me to continue with this thing. I can already see the conclusion. I just don't know how many chapters it will take to get there. Feel free to leave suggestions.**

"What!"

She was numb, the feeling in her limbs deserting her as she stared wide eyed at Ben. Had he really just said what she thought? It didn't seem possible.

She'd walked through the door, determined to start anew, to give this relationship the attention that it deserved, a fighting chance. "Ben, we need to tal-"

But Ben had darted from his position by the bar, and come up on her suddenly, a desperate expression on his face, words shooting out of his mouth, the rapid fire overwhelming her.

"Is it really that crazy, Riley? I mean, we've known each other our whole lives, it's not like we're strangers."

"We've only been dating for a couple months, Ben. It _is_ crazy."

"This is the longest relationship I've ever been in, that has to mean something."

"Saying you've never been in a long term relationship is not a great advertisement for what you're trying to sell here. Marriage is 'til death,' Ben, not 'till we get into a fight and take a break'."

He shook his head, ignoring what she was saying. "And the whole family loves you, even mom, which you know is a huge feat. She still gives Tucker the side eye sometimes."

"She _doesn't _love me, Ben. She tolerates me. Which is fine, she's Bonnie Wheeler, the only people she loves are the ones she gave birth to." The words didn't seem connected to her mind. Why the hell was she rambling about Bonnie when her mind was racing, panic building in her chest?

Ben just ploughed on, his hands lighting gently on her shoulders as he spoke. "And, Riley, I see the way you are with Emma. You'd be a wonderful mother to her, you already love her. I can see it."

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to decipher the information coming at her like a runaway train. She grasped at his arms, pushing him slightly. She felt like she was drowning. Her lungs drew in a very slow and deliberate breath before she opened her eyes again. "Ben, _where_ is this coming from?"

Suddenly he deflated, whatever spastic energy possessed him released its hold. "You haven't been happy, and I thought… Riley, I just wanted you to know how much I care about you, and the things I can see for us. I'm willing to take this leap… you're the only person I ever even considered asking."

All of her grand plans for telling Ben the truth crumbled. Somehow, and she couldn't begin comprehend it, their roles had reversed. Ben was now hopelessly in love, the feelings he was vocalizing sounded exactly like her teenage infatuation.

She pondered his words, all the reasons for wanting to spend the rest of his life with her. There was no denying how tempting it was to accept this, to find oneself the object of boundless affection.

But it was all happening too fast. It didn't seem real. In fact, everything around her had a strangely dreamlike quality. The colors around her suddenly vivid, edges somehow crisper than they should have been. "I think I need to sit down."

He nodded eagerly, guiding her to the couch as his hand drew gentle circles along her lower back. Ben loved her and wasn't afraid to say it, and even though she was worried that he might not know what love really was, it was more than she could say for anyone else in her life. She knew she was capable of loving him, probably even able to revive that hopelessly breathless feeling she'd once felt when looking at him. Things like that couldn't simply be lost forever. It had to be in there somewhere.

The insanity of his impromptu proposal began to wear off, and Riley was finding herself returning over and over again to one repetitive thought. Why not? Why not marry the guy she'd been infatuated with for so many years?

She knew exactly why not, but it hurt to much to contemplate, and the wound buried deeply in her chest ached, it's bleeding exactly as profuse as before. The heat of desperation crept through her, setting her skin ablaze. She just wanted the ache to stop, to cauterize the gash and move on with her life.

Her head snapped up, teary eyes bottomless pools, resolve painting her features. "Yes."

"Yes?"

"Ye-."

Her affirmative reply was cut short by Ben's lips on hers, the breath slightly knocked out of her as he exuberating embraced her. She smiled against his kiss. There was hope, with someone this enthusiastic, someone so willing to try. And he was right, about his family. They were already her family, it would be like slipping into a comfortable pair of shoes.

People already mistook them for a married couple when they were out with Emma, people even making matter of fact statements about how the little girl looked like both of them. She could step right into a ready made happily ever after.

Love wasn't this magical mystical thing. It was practical, it was necessity, it was finding someone to make you as happy as you could be. Why did this feel like a mistake then?

"How soon can we do this?"


	8. Sunset

**A/N: I don't really know what to put in the notes any more :P except that I'm still really liking the final destination I have in mind for the story, and I still REALLY appreciate people taking the time to comment. Don't be shy, I love hearing what you have to say.**

Her life was perfect. She had a more than enviable apartment in the latin quarter, a beautiful view of the _Seine_, a thriving social life. People couldn't get enough of her.

Her editor praised her work in a way she'd only dreamed of when putting in the long hours of her tedious internship, and she had a close knit group of friends around her, some even dating back to her days at the Sorbonne. The French wine and French language flowing to and from her lips respectively, Georgie was having the time of her life.

There was just this one tiny, little, itty bitty, infinitesimal thing pulling her down from this lifetime high. Well, maybe not little, rather hulking actually, huge if you wanted to get technical. Danny just didn't fit in this picture she'd painted.

She didn't harbor any ill will toward him for this, she actually felt rather sorry for him. The very real affection she felt for unbelievably tall American was still there. In fact, if she hadn't still felt love for Danny, she might have been able to ignore the light slowly fading from his eyes, or the sad note in his voice when he talked about his family.

The man was homesick, and it didn't help that he was at loose ends here, technically a "kept" man. He missed his mother, and hockey, the hustle and bustle of New York, which was distinctly different from Parisian hustle and bustle.

Sitting here, watching the sunset from the tiny balcony of her bedroom, Danny's hand idly tracing patterns across her knuckles, was quite a romantic picture, something she would love to shoot a spread for, draping the models in the latest fashions as they stared besottedly into one another's eyes.

But he wasn't really here, his gaze focusing on something impossibly far away as he sat uncomfortably perched in the delicate wrought-iron chair.

She smiled, recalling his incredulous expression when he'd seen the thing. "Is that to sit on?" He'd stared dubiously at the piece of furniture, easing down into it cautiously, as though he was afraid it would collapse. To be fair, she'd been mildly worried too.

He brought his beer bottle to his lips now and then, taking a sip of bitter concoction, wincing only slightly. He'd been trying fruitlessly to find a place that sold his favorite lager, the one Ben had on tap at the bar.

He sighed, the downward turn of his lips setting a little more firmly. The setting sun cast a reddish orange glow over both of them, setting his already golden eyelashes on fire.

Georgie sighed. God he was beautiful, and there was a reason photographers called this time of day "the magic hour." In this light she could almost let herself be selfish, let him continue this half-life he was leading just so she could gaze at him whenever she pleased.

But no, Danny was out of his element, his natural joy waning in the face of a purposeless existence. She couldn't let it continue.

She turned her palm up, walking her fingers slowly along his until they slipped into place, like corresponding puzzle pieces.

He immediately turned to her, an easy smile slowly lighting on his features, one that no longer seemed to make it to his eyes.

"Danny, what are you thinking about?"

Guileless as always, the words instantly poured from his mouth. "Home. I bet it's beautiful there, the summer's starting to wind down, fall just beginning to show in the leaves at the park. I wonder if mom'll take Emma when all the leaves really change. She used to drag me and Ben to the park to take awful group photos, there's even one where we're all wearing matching turtlenecks." He laughed remembering the resulting photos.

"You miss them a lot." It was a statement, no upswing at the end to indicate a question. The yearning for home was palpable in his voice.

He looked away, once again staring far into the distance. "Yeah." His voice was low, yet another sigh chasing the word from his mouth. "But, you know, Paris is... nice, too."

She smiled. "I think most people would say it's a lot more than nice, but I get it." She squeezed his hand, silently preparing him for what she was about to say. "You don't belong here, Danny."

He stared at her open mouthed, unable to respond to the earnestly spoken statement. His emotions silently warred within him, relief that she'd been the one to utter what he'd been thinking for weeks played against sadness. "I know. I'm sorry, Georgie. I tried."

He sounded so dejected it nearly broke her heart. "I know, love. I really do. I just don't think this is what you're supposed to be doing. It doesn't mean I don't love you. It's just that it shouldn't be like this." There were tears in her eyes now, but she couldn't tell exactly what emotion inspired them. "You can't lose yourself in the process. There are so many wonderful things about you, things that I adore, that are completely stifled here."

He nodded, the relief finally winning out. He reached between them and brushed away an errant tear. She continued. "You belong with your family, and you should be doing what you love."

He smiled, sadly this time. "Everything is just… off, isn't it?"

She nodded. "And I think you've known it for a lot longer than me. Why didn't you say anything? For a big tough hockey player, you sure do handle people rather delicately. Sometimes I think you get hurt in the process."

Danny frowned. He had been afraid of hurting her by telling her he wanted to leave, had stayed much longer than any sane person would have, each day another stone added to the heap on his chest. Her observation struck a strange chord in him. Would he have stayed until he'd been crushed under the unrelenting weight?

Sure, he frequently put other people's feelings above his own, but it was second nature to him, instinctual even. He'd always been the big guy, towering over nearly everyone his whole life. He overcompensated sometimes, trying not to hurt people. That habit had become so ingrained in him that he applied it to all aspects of his life.

It had certainly been a factor in his relationship with Riley. He couldn't deny it. So many times he'd stopped himself from telling her how he felt because he either didn't think she was ready or she'd had someone else. He never wanted to be the reason she was unhappy.

And he never wanted to make Ben unhappy either. Sure, this thing with Georgie had happened, and Ben had been upset, but Danny could tell, his little brother hadn't been all that invested with Georgie. It was different with Riley. It was always different with her.

The pressure of Georgie's fingers squeezing his once again brought him out of his thoughts. "It's not a total loss. I think we learned some things from each other." She smiled through her remaining tears, already feeling better for having set things on their rightful path. "You taught me that I can find love in places that aren't always logical."

He laughed, opening his mouth to reply, but she shook her head, effectively silencing him.

"And Danny, I hope you learned to be true to yourself. You're feelings are just as important as anyone else's. Don't ever be miserable when you know what will make you happy."

He swallowed, fear involuntarily settling in his chest. The mere prospect of stirring the pot enough to get what he truly wanted was still daunting. "I'll try."


	9. Jet lag

**A/N: The pacing of this story is kind of slow, I know. I just really enjoy a slow burn I guess. As always, let me know what you think.**

He was tired, exhaustion burrowing into the very fibers of his muscles. The long flight home had been unconducive to sleep, whether it was the child crying two seats away or his own stomach churning as he thought about his return. He'd sat in the cramped quarters, knees pushed up too far, fidgeting as his nerves worked away.

He hadn't told any of them, just bought his tickets and shouldering his solitary carry-on as he boarded the jet. No one knew he was coming home. He'd spent the evening with Georgie after their conversation on the balcony, taking one last leisurely stroll along the cobbled streets of paris. The city looked much different without the weight of unhappiness sitting on his shoulders.

And now he was back, strolling once again along the dingy sidewalks of New York City, looking up at the weathered brick edifices. The city was strange at this time, a few hours shy of dawn. Not quiet, not loud, stuck in some sort of limbo.

His destination loomed ahead of him, the stained glass windows dull without the light of day filtering through them. He slipped through the doors of the stately structure, grateful that the place was open all hours for those in need or prayer, or simply a quiet place to think. Out of habit he dug in his pocket for loose change to drop in the alms box, remembering too late that all he had were a couple of euros.

He didn't have a place to call home in the city anymore. His mother had her open plan apartment, a youthful setup not really good for house guests. His feet hung uncomfortably off the end of her couch when he tried to sleep on it. And, he wasn't entirely sure he wouldn't be interrupting something at this time of night.

His old room at Ben's? He supposed it was still there, the walls bare, his closet empty. The bed was probably even made up for a change, but he couldn't go there, not now. He couldn't risk running into Riley, sleep rumpled, maybe even wearing one of Ben's t-shirts. He didn't think he could take it, his guard completely knocked down by fatigue. It was too risky, the urge to pour his feelings out without assessing the situation too tempting.

So he would wait, here. The smell of melted candle wax and some incense he couldn't quite place, clung to the long wooden pews. The scent caused some synapse in his brain to fire, some odd nostalgia to crop up. He wasn't catholic, but places like this had always given him some small amount of comfort, a feeling that there was something larger than himself out there.

He shoved his bag against the end of the pew, leaning on it, his head dipping down to rest on his chest. He would rest, a little, his mind finally quieting enough to let sleep overtake him. When the sun rose he would run down his mother, tell her what he'd decided about his future, and ask her to help him find a place to live.

* * *

He woke to the sharp pain of bright light pouring in through the floor to ceiling windows, a painful crick in his neck making itself known as he sat up. He hadn't intended to sleep so long, embarrassment sending a flush up the back of his neck as a demurely dressed woman stared at him. She fingered her rosary and immediately went back to praying.

He quickly gathered his things and slid from the pew, exiting as gracefully as possible. His shin whacked hard wood trying to escape, and he stifled the reflexive urge to curse. Some how the fluidity with which he moved on the ice did not transfer to his movements in the real world.

The woman was glaring at him now, and he cast her the most apologetic look he could muster, fearing that actually vocalizing his apology would only make things worse. He didn't dare disturb the austere silence surrounding them.

Shouldering his bag once again, he left the building, wincing slightly at the bright sunlight. It was definitely later than he'd intended. He glanced down at his watch, confirming the late hour. It was almost ten a.m. How could he have slept so long in the church?

Damn it. He'd hoped to catch Bonnie before she went to work, get a good breakfast out of her, maybe unload the weight of the world from his shoulders. Whatever she could do would be helpful, even if it was only in a Bonnie Wheeler kind of way.

He sighed as he trudged along, continuing in the direction of her apartment anyway. It's not like he had anywhere else to go. No cell phone to call anyone on, no cash to grab a cab. He really should have called ahead. His mother was a busy lady, socializing, working, harassing his brother. She really could be anywhere.

He didn't look ahead of him, instead peering at the sidewalk, absentmindedly noting the cracks as he walked. It was something only really tall, really big guys could get away with, other passers by generally making way subconsciously. It's not like he did it all the time, he knew it was rude, but he was preoccupied at the moment, his thoughts understandably elsewhere.

He felt her before he saw her. A sharp elbow right in the solar plexus, a knee sharply striking his shin before she flew across the sidewalk, landing in a heap with an audible squeak. He'd ran directly into her, or maybe she'd ran into him. He wasn't entirely sure.

The dainty little blond scrambled on the sidewalk, collecting her purse and briefcase, muttering angrily to herself the entire time. "The nerve of some people, just taking up the whole damn sidewalk, like they own New York City or something, not even looking where they're going…"

Before she could completely collect herself and her belongings, Danny was at her side, his arm resting gently at her elbow as he attempted to help her up, a chorus of 'i'm sorry's' already tumbling from his lips.

She jerked away from him, finally pulling her attention away from her things, only to cast an angry glare up at him. "Who do you think-"

She stopped abruptly, the ire immediately morphing into utter shock. "Danny?"

"Riley?"

She nodded back at him, momentarily rendered speechless. Grasping her elbow, he lifted her up. It took everything he had not to crush her to him, to band his arms around her and never let go. Instead, he politedly brushed some dirt from the sleeve of her blouse.

The motion caught her attention and ended her temporary muteness. "Danny… I don't understand. What are you doing here? Weren't you just in Paris?"

He nodded, the lump in his throat making it difficult to speak. How had he gone so long without her? It was strange, but he felt himself scanning her appearance, trying to memorize every little thing about her that had changed in the few months he'd been gone. Her hair, it was slightly longer, the front curling under, framing her face in a flattering way. And she seemed… different in other ways too. It wasn't something he could place, but he was sure it had to do with her eyes. They were still impossibly large pools, but the look she was giving him… it was unplaceable.

He swallowed, pushing through the tightness in his chest. "Uh, yeah… I got back last night."

"What? Ben didn't say anything." She frowned, a little wrinkle forming between her eyebrows. "Neither did your mom, and you know she's incapable of keeping her mouth shut about anything…"

"They didn't know, uh… still don't." He felt his heart beating against his sternum and wondered if she could hear its wild thumping. He was sure she could, the blood rushing past his eardrums with each beat.

"Then where did you stay?" There it was, that part of her he'd known since childhood. The relentless interrogator. God, she was going to be an amazing trial lawyer when she finally spread her wings. He was strangely proud of her for this tenacity.

"Nowhere… um, I mean… obviously not nowhere. I sort of… hung out at _St. Anthony's_ for a couple hours, didn't want to bother anyone."

"Why didn't you let us know you were coming? Someone could have come and picked you up at the airport."

"It was kind of… sudden." He looked at her sheepishly, not ready to divulge the details of his breakup. He bit the inside of his cheek nervously. Holding his breath, he silently willed her not to ask about Georgie.

Of course she understood. Her eyes widened, and she swallowed audibly. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Danny." Her voice was soft, one hand coming up to rest on his arm sympathetically.

"It's okay… really." And it was okay. He knew he'd made the right decision. He belonged here, with his family, his team… her.

She smiled, relieved that he seemed to be alright. She shot up on her tip toes, arms flinging up around his neck. "It's so good to have you back. I missed my best friend."

It was almost too much for him… almost, but not quite. She felt soft and impossibly small against him, the citrusy scent of whatever perfume she wore wafting up, filling his senses. This time he did let his arms circle around her, allowing himself a friendly hug. "I miss you too."

As far as friendly hugs went, this one seemed to be a bit longer than usual, her arms around his neck a bit tighter. When they finally did break apart, things were slightly awkward. Riley pulling away first, nervously fidgeting with her hair. "So, uh, you headed to your mom's?"

"Yeah, but I don't know if she's home."

Riley looked at her watch, frowning. "Yeah, she's not gonna be there. Her realtor business has really taken off lately. She's kind of hard to pin down. And I wouldn't suggest looking for the key she used to hide in the plant in the hall. Some drama involving Tucker and a damaged waffle iron."

She laughed, the tinkling noise music to his years. It faded away all too quickly. "Oh, and you're old bedroom is kind of… inaccessible. There's a leak in the basement storage and the guys have a bunch of random junk in there."

Danny laughed uncomfortably. "Looks like I'm a man without a country." He honestly felt a little lost. It was strange being home, and yet not.

Struck by a sudden idea, Riley began digging in her purse. She smiled broadly when she found what she was looking for. "Here, go to my place, no one's there, and I don't get off till pretty late. I actually don't spend much time there these days." Awkwardness settled over them again as the meaning of her words sunk in. She tried valiantly to recapture her nonchalant tone. "You can crash and let your jet-lag wear off before you track down your mom." She slapped the key against his palm. "Just don't eat every single thing in my fridge."

He smiled sadly, a wave of hopelessness hitting him unexpectedly. What the hell had been thinking? Things were the same as when he'd left, only now he had an even smaller place in everyone's life. He looked down at the key, slightly warm against his palm. In an alternate universe this tableau would be the cause of much different feelings, and it almost made him sick when he thought of how things could have been. "I can't make any promises."


	10. Coffee

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I've been working five am shifts since Saturday, and I finally have a day off (and it's my birthday woo hoo) Thanks so much for the comments, they've been really wonderful and encouraging.**

Something shifted in her as she walked away, the sheer joy he'd inspired ebbing as she strode purposely forward.

Of course, she'd been happy to see him. It was an involuntary reaction, every cell in her infused with a glowing warmth. For a minute she'd felt giddy, faint even. For the first time understanding why women swooned like idiots in romance novels.

She'd just missed him so much, that was all. He'd been her other half for as long as she could remember, a thread connecting them no matter how far apart they happened to be.

But that feeling of relief, the utter joy spreading through her limbs like wildfire, it was short lived. The filament connecting them had been severed, even if her body still felt it's ghost. His presence back in New York... it wasn't enough to loop the thread back through her rib cage, knot it back under her heart where it belonged, to mend the wound left by their separation.

Hopelessness quickly replaced all the joy, a frown pulling down at the corners of her mouth. Damn Danny, he'd said he was happy, that he loved Georgie. What the hell was he doing back here?

The timing was awful, she'd said things, done things, things she couldn't take back, not without spreading around a world of hurt. And for what? Just because he was back here didn't mean he still felt... well, whatever it was that he had felt. Maybe it was hockey that he couldn't stay away from, maybe it had nothing to do with her. Maybe Georgie had stomped all over his heart. Riley could believe it, she could see the cold hearted brunette shrugging off Danny's boundless affection.

She turned abruptly into the coffee shop, her jaw clicking as she clenched her teeth together. There was a tiny part of her that thought maybe her opinion of Georgie was colored by something other than rational judgement, but she shook it off and fished the hastily scrawled orders out of her purse, sighing at the long line. Just more time to stew, to wonder at the mess she'd made.

Junior associate making a coffee run. She needed something to distract her. Who knew that four years of college and four more at law school would turn her into a glorified errand girl? She wished she could sink her teeth into a big case, do more than the rote grunt work on petty litigation. Anything to keep the swirling panic at bay.

But no, all she had was a short list of caffeinated beverages and a phone full of text messages from Bonnie, asking her question after question about her impending nuptials. For Pete's sake, they hadn't even set a date and Bonnie had her fingers in everything from the possible flower arrangements to seating charts.

It took everything in her power to stifle the urge to throw her hands up and the air and tell Bonnie she didn't care one bit, that she just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible, for the happily-ever-after to start already, and 'oh by the way can you have Danny not be Ben's best man because I can't look at him while I'm walking down the aisle to his brother.'

The thought of the wedding was like ice water being dumped over her head, a chill shooting up her spine. Her eyes widened and she sucked in a sharp breath. Did Danny know? It had only been a couple days, and Ben had gone straight to his mother with the news.

Suddenly she felt sick, her psyche edging closer to the panic vortex. She closed her eyes, trying her hardest to remember the look on Danny's face only moments before. Had he known? Did he care?

She'd been so wrapped up in her own overwhelming emotions that she hadn't even noticed. Sure, he'd been sad when he'd let her know things with Georgie were, for all intents and purposes, over. But was that a heartbroken kind of sad, or merely disappointed? Suddenly the distinction was the most important thing in the world.

She was lost in thought, her feet shuffling forward a couple steps unconsciously as the barista filled order after order.

* * *

How could this be happening? Twice in one day? Her hands shook as she balanced the remaining coffee in its cardboard carrier. Its companions painted her cream colored blouse and bright pink pencil skirt.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry."

The apologetic look on her colleague's face was genuine as he clumsily tried to sop up the coffee soaking her clothing, but it did little to cool Riley's ire, or the liquid scalding her skin. She brushed his hands aside and stood up, plucking gingerly at the material clinging to her.

The scalding liquid had cooled rapidly. She tamped down her irritation. Even though Gavin had come barreling around the corner without looking up from the file in his hands, she couldn't lay the blame entirely on him. He was a senior partner, always had his nose buried in one file or another. Everyone knew it, and she'd learned to listen for the tell tale squeak of his favorite leather shoes against the parquet floors as he rushed from one place to another. But not today.

Today she'd been lost in her own little world, contemplating the many varied ways she would avoid seeing Danny over the next year or so. (Surely that would be enough time, wouldn't it?) Her brain mercilessly generating scenario after scenario wherein they had to interact.

She fruitlessly picked at the pices of tattered napkin clinging to her blouse, bits of paper all over everything, trying to salvage her outfit, the carrier balancing delicately in one hand. "Um, could you…?"

She gestured with her occupied hands and he nodded emphatically, relieving her of the offending item. She continued to brush away at her clothing, biting her bottom lip in an attempt to hold the tears she felt at bay. This was just the worst. The blouse was a total loss, a dark brown stain reaching all the way down the front. Even her shoes were ruined, ugly splotches marring the suede.

"Uh, Perrin, is it?"

She nodded. At least he knew her was something at least, the silver lining to this big dark raincloud that was her day.

"This is unfortunate. You were supposed to accompany me to the Miller deposition."

"Oh, no. I can still-"

He cut her off. "No, no. I'll get Cal to do it. Actually, you can't really accomplish much looking like that. Why don't you just go home and change. Let Marcie know when you get back, you can finish up the research he was supposed to do today."

Her lip began to quiver. No, she couldn't cry here, it was too unprofessional. The last thing she wanted to do was look like a child in front of a senior partner. It was hard though, and she couldn't respond for fear that she would just break down.

Gavin began to look concerned by her silence. "On second thought, that coffee was pretty hot. You don't think you're in shock or anything do you?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but was still unable to find her voice. What the hell? Was she actually in shock? Her mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water.

"Well, just to be safe, why don't you take the rest of the day off. That research can wait." He reached down and retrieved her brief case, holding it out to her helpfully. "There you go. Enjoy some time off, recuperate. We don't need a lawsuit on our hands." He winked at her, the final punctuation to his lame joke.

She took her briefcase and walked back to the doors in a daze. The one place that had become a haven recently was her apartment. It was too inconvenient for Ben, being so far away from the bar. It had quickly become the only place where she could take a minute and just think.

But now there was a huge distraction waiting there, and she wasn't prepared to deal with the cartwheels her stomach did at the sight of him, or the breathlessness that accosted her when she thought... maybe...

She didn't have a choice though, her ruined outfit necessitating a trip home. She couldn't walk aimlessly around New York looking like an extra in a zombie movie.

She trudged in the direction of her building. Maybe he was asleep. The lines of exhaustion had been deeply etched into his face, his smiles not quite their full wattage. She'd be quiet, slip in and out before he could even wake up.

She couldn't deal with him right now.


	11. Observations

**a/n: I'm actually surprised I'm still writing this at this pace. Usually the spurt of writing that comes with starting a new fic fizzles out pretty quickly, but this seems to be going strong (totally fueled by comments and suggestions :P). Anywho, this chapters a little different. Let me know what you think.**

Tucker had always considered himself to be an astute observer. He could take a step back and look at the world around him with the attention of a scientist intent on proving a theory: white people are crazy.

Sure, a bit of a blanket statement, but who could blame him for coming to that conclusion? Just look at the participants in his study.

One crazy middle aged white woman living across the street from one of her adult sons (yes that was a pair of binoculars on her window seal) lying about her age on a daily basis, sometimes dressing in matching outfits with her one year old granddaughter (a child she would refer to as her niece if the right twenty something underwear model asked). Bonnie was the epitome of crazy.

Then there was the twenty-five year old bachelor living with his buddies in New York City. On the surface it would seem totally normal, but that's only if you left out the part about his illegitimate child quite literally being dropped on his doorstep by yet another crazy white person. Although, Tucker did feel like he should cut Ben some slack, the situation wasn't entirely of his doing, and he had seemed to make the most of it.

But those weren't the only subjects in Tucker's little observational sphere that seemed to prove his theory. There was also a twenty-seven year old six-foot-five hockey playing giant, who somehow (Tucker didn't understand this one bit) had never been able to find the confidence to tell a girl he'd loved for years his feelings.

Seriously! The man had, from a totally objective point of view, the kind of physique that girls fawned all over. He was tall, an athlete. There was no reason under the sun that Danny should have felt unsure about the aforementioned girl's response. It was absolutely nuts that he let her slip through his fingers. But he had, cuckoo-for-coco-puffs-white-person that he was, and then dropped everything in his life to run off to Paris with his new girlfriend, who just happened to be his brother's ex-girlfriend.

And, as if that wouldn't be enough to start edging this little tableau right into Jerry Springer territory, Ben was now engaged to the girl Danny was totally in love with. Throw a love child into the mix (well, another one anyway) and this could easily turn into a chair-hurling hair-pulling extravaganza, especially if Bonnie got involved.

The craziest one of all, though, was the petite little blonde, whose personality was normally inversely proportional to her tiny stature, sitting quietly through it all, a look of abject misery on her face when she thought no one was looking.

Lacking a control group, Tucker was willing to admit his hypothesis had yet to be proven. So he amended his theory: Wheelers and people within their immediate sphere of influence are crazy. He added that second part after his father had a bout of temporary insanity directly related to Bonnie's proximity. He shuddered at the image permanently seared into his retina.

Now, he supposed, he must include himself on that list of unfortunately influenced people. Why else would he be sticking his nose where it didn't belong? (Nosiness was a trait he never would have attributed to himself before the Wheelers' nefarious effect.)

He'd run through this particular pattern of thought at least three times while sitting at the bar, looking for the right moment to kick off the conversation he wanted to have with Ben. He drew circular patterns in the condensation on his mug, watching the moisture drip down on the dark wood of the bar. Enough stalling! He cleared his throat. "So Ben..."

Ben spared him a quick glance, immediately turning his attention back to wiping down the bar. "Yeah?"

"Isn't that, oh I don't know, the tenth time you've wiped down the bar in the past half hour?"

Ben abruptly stopped, leaning back to study the gleaming surface. He sighed, flipping the towel over his shoulder. "What's your point?"

"My point is, you seem to be actively avoiding certain customers." Tucker jerked his head toward the end of the bar where a pair of co-eds sat perched on barstools, glasses clearly empty. "Which is really starting to effect my game. Beer goggles make me look taller."

Instantly Ben's posture changed, the expression on his face one of faux disbelief. He snorted, for good measure. "What? No! Of course not!" He glanced at his watch. "It's barely noon anyway. We don't start passing out beer goggles until five p.m."

He threw one hand up, expecting a high five for his lame joke. Tucker just stared at him. Ben's shoulders slumped, undermining his former denial. He bit the inside of his cheek, a frown pulling at the corners of his mouth. "Ok, so maybe I am avoiding them, a little."

"Why?"

Rather than immediately answer, Ben tugged the towel off his shoulder and started wiping again, the muscles in his jaw working in time with his circles. "It's hard to explain."

"Could you try? Because I need this remedied, immediately, or I'm gonna have to find another watering hole to stalk gazelles."

Ben rolled his eyes. "Well, Riley's been kind of... distant since we got engaged, and it's making me tense."

"Keep talking, because I have no idea how this explains your problem."

"Distant." Ben emphasized the words, raising his eyebrows dramatically.

"Oooooh, I see. That's weird man, isn't commitment supposed to be like an aphrodisiac for most women?"

Ben sighed. "It's not just her though. I've felt... strange, too, like maybe I don't care enough that she's been distant. But I just thought maybe it was excitement of it all, you know sapping me of energy."

"Ok, I'm following, sort of. What does that have to do with the hotties at the end of the bar?"

Ben leaned in close to Tucker, almost whispering. "You can't tell anyone, but... every time I see a girl, one that I would normally lay the Ben Wheeler charm on thick for, I can't stop thinking: that's not allowed. It's like taboo now. And I guess it's because it's off limits, but I keep having this urge to approach girls, just to see if I can get their numbers."

Tucker mentally amended his observational notes, moving Ben to the top of the "Crazy" list.

His friend was staring at him, a look of desperation on his face. "That's normal right? It's just nerves, about the engagement, right? I love Riley."

"You love Riley." He didn't exactly pose it as a question, but his eyebrows did raise in inquiry as the statement left his lips.

"I do. It's just... I can't stop thinking how she's the last girl I'm ever gonna date. That's it. Finito."

Tucker was frowning now, his patience wearing thin. "Do you want to date other girls?"

"What? No!" His denial was firm, if a little too vehement. "It's just, everything happened so fast, and unexpectedly. I wasn't prepared for the 'forever' of it all."

"You were the one that proposed, Ben." Crazy town, one occupant. "Do you regret it?"

"No. It made me so happy when she said yes, that she picked me." He swallowed, knowing he'd revealed too much.

Tucker nodded. It certainly explained a few things. "Well, of course she picked you, who else would she have picked?"

It was a calculated question, one intended to measure the true depth of his friend's insanity. Ben looked away from him, his jaw working away, the muscle at his temple ticking. "Right, no one else, of course."

Just as Tucker was about to suggest something totally sane like talking to Riley about slowing things down, Ben got a particularly scary gleam in his eye.

"Maybe if we just do it, you know, go to the courthouse, sign the papers, make everything official, it'll all click into place."

Tucker raised his hand to protest. "Uh, no, Ben-"

Ben cut him off. "Yeah, it's perfect. I'll go get the ring I was looking at the other day, and we'll do it tonight."

"Ben-"

"Let's see, you and mom and Emma will be there. I'm sure Riley can find a pretty dress, she has dozens."

"Ben-"

"Emma can be the little flower girl and you'll be the best man."

"Ben!" Frustrated with being steamrolled, Tucker's volume increased dramatically, finally catching Ben's attention.

"What?"

There were a million reasons floating through Tucker's mind to halt this runaway train of bad decisions, but that Wheeler insanity had infected him, and the only one that he could articulate, was flimsy at best. "There's a twenty four hour waiting period after you get a married license. You can't do it tonight."

Ben nodded thoughtfully, a smile spreading across his face. He threw the towel at Tucker, vaulting over the bar. He called out over his shoulder as he slipped through the doors. "Have Jack cover for me."

Tucker was left in a daze, not quite sure how his meddling had managed to make the situation exponentially worse. He stared blankly at the space before him. "Who is Jack?"


	12. Dreams

**A/N: sorry for the delay, I've been visiting family and I've drive 300 miles in the past four days. I'm trying to move things along with this chapter. Let me know what you think, reviews are so encouraging. (I wrote this chapter on my phone so please ignore weird autocorrects :O)**

She tried to be quiet, tiptoeing up to her door. Her keys jangled as she looked for the right one. It slipped into the slot with a slick click, the tumblers aligning easily in the well oiled mechanism.

Her hope was that Danny would be asleep, snoring softly as he drifted into deep REM. The walk from her office had seemed interminable, the pavement stretching on and on, but when she glanced at her watch only fifteen minutes had passed.

It was dim in her living room, the curtains drawn against the midday sun, only a few bright rays peeking through. She gingerly set her briefcase down and hung her purse on the peg by the door, leaning against it as she slipped her heels off.

She sighed, touching the sodden mess of her ruined blouse. She had to get out of these disgusting clothes.

Her hose clad feet padded silently against the hardwood, headed straight for her bedroom. She paused at it's entrance, her palms suddenly sweaty as she pushed at the wood paneling.

Her breath caught in her chest at the sight of him, sprawled across her full sized bed, making it look ridiculously small. He had the brightly patterned coverlet tucked up under his chin, exactly the way she remembered from when they're were kids. She couldn't count the number of times she'd seen him in this exact position. Falling asleep on together on his mother's sofa, heads inclined toward one another, hands innocently brushing.

Maybe not so innocently. Why had she been so oblivious? She inched closer to the bed. Had it been written on his face and she'd just missed it? His current expression was unreadable. The planes smooth in sleep, his lips curved almost imperceptibly upward.

Sure, he'd always been protective of her, throwing Ben some pretty obvious death glares whenever his teasing edged along that invisible border between friendly and hurtful. But she'd never put two and two together, not even recently when he'd literally told her he loved her, everything he felt burning in his eyes. She'd been so absorbed in the ruse with Ben, it had completely went over her head.

Poor Danny, finally garnering the courage to tell her how he felt, only to be completely brushed aside. God, why couldn't he have been more insistent, made her see what she was missing?

She was ashamed to admit it, but sometimes she played the memory in her head late at night, imagining a hundred different outcomes, her mind getting carried away as she would drift to sleep, finding more missed opportunities as her memory spanned across the years.

Sometimes she felt insane. It didn't make sense, these sudden and overwhelming feelings coursing through her. It was true what they said about absence making the heart grow fonder, but not in any way she'd ever experienced before. Usually absence meant she forgot someone's faults, their irritating quirks. Usually it resulted in a idealized version of their personality that didn't actually exist.

That's not what she felt. Danny's absence had only served to hilight exactly how much he meant to her, all the little things she took for granted were missed sharply. Being so near him again, it was all she could do not to cross the short distance between them, to finally trace her fingers along the stubble at his chin, to tell him she had finally gotten a clue.

Suddenly she was tired, the impossibility of their situation settling in her limbs like lead. She turned away from her bed, sneaking past him into her little bathroom.

She felt stupid, thinking the answer had lain with Ben. That she could categorize these emotions into neat little boxes with corresponding solutions. She was only just beginning to realize what they even were.

She quickly grabbed the fuzzy robe from the hook on the back of the door, disrobing speedily. She decided not to dawdle in her room, tying the knot firmly at her waist. She could shower and change after Danny left. She was too tired to deal with the possibility of waking him up, clueless as to what she would even say.

She paused at the threshold of her room once again, casting another glance back at Danny, fighting the urge to go search for answers in his features.

He began to stir, and her heart leapt into her throat as she quickly shut the door, trying to be as quiet as possible. A second longer and she would have heard her name escape his lips in a breathy exhalation.

* * *

Danny opened his eyes slowly, one hand stretched out, reaching for something he couldn't name. For a minute he was disoriented, confused at the feeling of the too small bed, the incredibly soft pillows beneath him.

He turned his head, stretching his arms above him, a familiar scent wafting up to his nose. A bright citrusy melody playing in his memory. Her body wash, the one he'd sheepishly squeezed into his palm after picking up the half dozen bottles he'd knocked off the shelf.

It hadn't been the first time he'd taken a shower at her place, but there was a newfound awkwardness about intimacies such as this. He couldn't help but think of her in there, wonder what her rituals were. Knowing that she knew the truth somehow made things more intense. He'd immediately turned the knob all the way to cold, and taken the shortest shower of his life.

But then he'd been faced by another, much larger obstacle. Her bed. He wasn't sure if she'd intended for him to crawl into that feminine space, but given their history, she might have wondered if he hadn't. She wouldn't be home anytime soon. Logically it didn't make sense for him to sleep on the tiny love seat when there was an empty bed.

And they'd had a "what's mine is yours" mentality since they were kids, moving in and out of each other's space fluidly, sparing almost no thought for boundaries. So, in an effort to assure himself that he could get back to normal, Danny clumsily crawled into her bed, wearing a shirt to sleep for the first time in years and trying not to think about whether or not Ben had been here recently.

And then he'd dreamt. The images and touch sensations so real, he could still feel the words whispered hotly against his skin. He'd awoken in an embarrassing state, blushing in spite of the fact that he was alone.

It was perfectly natural, he told himself, he and the majority of men on earth woke up like this on occasion. It was nothing to be ashamed of, but he couldn't stop the burning embarrassment from creeping up past his ears.

It wasn't his physical state that had him self conscious either, but rather the images of his best friend still playing in his mind. The feel of her soft lips in places they'd most certainly never actually been making him swallow hard.

He laid there for a while, intentionally thinking of exceptionally undesirable things. Tucker's habit of leaving used floss on the bathroom counter, walking in on his mother prancing around in a negligee while Beyoncé sang in the background... Riley kissing his brother passionately, stars in her eyes. Yeah, that was enough to cool his ardor.

His slipped out from under the comforter, feeling restless in spite of his jet lag. He just needed a glass of milk, maybe a snack, or four, and then he'd get his things together, go barge in on his mother.

As soon as he stepped out of the bedroom he knew something was different, his attention drawn away from the task at hand. He could hear her, the almost unnoticeable wheeze she sometimes had when she slept, always indicative of cold coming on... or a recent bout if tears.

He peeked over the back of the love seat and found her, curled up into a tight ball, the fuzzy robe engulfing her completely. She had her chin tucked down into it's collar, her sooty lashes splayed across her cream complexion.

He'd barely noticed the exhaustion painting her features when he'd ran into her. Her eyes had briefly lit with joy and it was all he could see, but now he noticed the downward turn of her mouth, the little wrinkle she got between her eyes when she was overthinking things.

She shifted uncomfortably, the frown deepening somewhat as she wiggled, trying to find a good spot. Danny's adoring gaze turned to concern.

Without thinking, he rounded the love seat, slipping his arms beneath her easily. He was halfway back to her bedroom, her head lolling against his chest, before the awkwardness assailed him.

All the times he'd carried her before, and there had been many, he'd never dared notice the surprising curves pressed softly against him, or the way she fit perfectly in his arms. Now that he noticed them, he was hard pressed not to react.

He quickly closed the space between the door and her bed, finding a grace he rarely had access to off the ice. She stirred again, just as he placed her softly on the mattress, stretching like a satisfied cat.

He smiled in response to the little grin playing at her lips, unable to stop him self from settling down on the mattress beside her, his weight causing it to dip slightly.

It was all a bit too much, the dream, her proximity. An overpowering sense of "what if" infiltrated him. What if he'd manned up and taken the plunge months ago? Would they have ended up here in this domestic little picture?

He bent down, unable to resist dropping a kiss on her forehead, the scent of her skin filling his senses almost torturous. He pulled away reluctantly, shifting as he rose.

"Danny?"

He froze, unsure if she was actually awake or not. Any hope he had that she hadn't woke evaporated when he felt her hand on his arm, grasping tightly as she levered herself up.

Confusion washed over her as she looked at her surroundings. "I'm in my bed?"

He nodded, unable to find his voice, remembering to breathe after a minute or so.

She continued. "With... you?"

This time he couldn't even nod, but just stared at her like an idiot, trying to convey whatever message his brain wanted to send with his eyes.

His heart pounded, the blood whooshing in his ears with every beat, his pupils dilating in the dim lighting. The residual feelings from his dream suddenly made him bold.

He reached forward, slipping his fingers along the silken column of her throat as he drew her forward.

He waited, the seconds ticking away in slow motion, expecting her to pull away in shock, but she didn't. His lips a hair's breadth from her own, his shaky breaths mingling with hers.

It wasn't Danny who plunged forward, locking their lips together in a desperate kiss, but he did slip one hand down her back, pressing himself against her.

A part of him was convinced that he was still dreaming, the taste of mint on her tongue mingling with the inexplicable aroma of coffee, but he didn't care.

His hand slipped down her neck, instinctively delving beneath the soft material of her robe. She inhaled sharply, a pained gasp escaping her as she broke their kiss.


	13. Injury

**A/N: immediate continuation of the last chapter. :D**

He immediately pulled away, assuming she regretted everything that had just occurred. "God Riley, I'm so sorry."

She wasn't even looking at him, her attention on the skin at her collar where his fingers had just been. Her head snapped up at his words, eyes wide, mouth rounded in a little surprised 'oh.'

"No, no, Danny, it's not that. It's..." She paused for a second, reaching across to her lamp, fumbling with the switch. Finally she flicked it, sending a warm glow over the both of them.

She gingerly parted the robe at her throat, looking down as she probed the skin. She hissed. "Damn it!"

There was a large red patch of skin, tender to the touch. At the sight of it Danny completely forgot their previous activity. Hands up on her shoulders he angled her toward the light. "What the hell happened Riley?"

She sighed, dropping her head back against the headboard, her eyes fluttering shut. "I was playing the part of coffee delivery girl yet again, and I was steamrolled by one of my bosses. I took a bath in Columbia's finest dark roast. It didn't even seem that hot at the time."

"So that's why you smell like cappuccino."

Riley snorted with laughter at his tone, the sound of someone having an epic revelation. He smiled in response, the expression warming his whole face, his eyes soft as he looked at her.

He shifted from his sitting position, pulling away from her as he stood up. He stopped the protest on her lips, offering his hand to her. "Come on Riles, let's get a better look at that. You might need to go to the hospital."

Her hand slipped into his, finding it's familiar place, calluses along his palm not quite as pronounced as they used to be. She hoisted herself out of the bed, clutching the robe close with her free hand as he led her out into the kitchen, flicking lights on. "Let me see."

"It's not that bad, I'm sure I was just... preoccupied before."

She reluctantly released the robe, letting it fall slightly open.

"Hmmm... It's not bad, but it's not great either. No hospital, but you need to get a cold pack or something on it."

"No, I'm fine, Danny, really... fine."

He ignored her protests, running a clean dish cloth under cold water. He wrung it out, folding the material into a neat little square before turning to press it against her scalded skin.

She sucked in a sharp breath, surprised by the cold, little goosebumps chasing along her skin. Danny didn't make a move to withdraw, his hand still gently pressing the cloth down. "Better?"

She nodded, the cool compress drawing the unpleasant heat from her injured skin. It didn't help with the heat flushing her cheeks, or the warm pool of honey settling in the pit of her stomach.

They stared at each other silently for a moment, a quiet exchange that probably would have been awkward with anyone else.

Danny inched closer to her, gazing down at her upturned face. "You kissed me."

She nodded slowly, swallowing slightly. "You kissed me." She unconsciously lifted herself up on her toes as he bent down closer.

Buoyed by her initiative, Danny swooped down and captured her lips again, bracketing her waist with his hands as he lifted her to sit on the counter.

Years of pent up longing flooded him and he devoured her, hands roaming across her body, this time careful to avoid the tender skin at her collar bone. He let out an involuntary growl as her hands snaked up beneath his shirt, delicate nails skimming across his back.

She hooked her legs around his hips, drawing him closer, losing herself in the moment. She dreaded the moment both of them came back to their senses, hoping to delay it for as long as possible.

He released her lips, moving his attentions to her neck, nuzzling gently against the hollow beneath her ear. She panted out his name, pleading for more.

The sound of her doorbell ringing made them both jump, Danny stepping back to lean against her island as he tried to catch his breath.

Whoever was at the door was impatient, punching the button over and over again before resorting to pounding at it.

They couldn't look each other, infused with a guilt that only magnified when their interruption began calling out. "Riley, babe, I forgot my key. I have something to tell you." He knocked again. "Hellooooo, Riley!"

She scrambled off the counter, pushing Danny toward the bedroom. "Put your clothes on." She whispered while she frantically looked for a pair of pajama bottoms.

They both shimmied into their clothing in record time and Riley darted to the door, taking a deep breath and throwing one more glance at Danny before swinging it open to greet Ben.

She burst into speech before the younger wheeler could say a thing. "Oh my gosh, Ben, look who just got here!"

The fake cheer grated on Danny's ears as she gestured to him. He stood awkwardly in the kitchen, pretending to look for something to eat in the kitchen.

Ben's expression was blank for a moment as he tried to process the scene on front of him. Riley rumpled in her bathrobe and Danny looking like a deer caught in headlights.

He walked slowly into the apartment, letting the door swing shut behind him. "Are you alright? The secretary at your firm said you went home earlier, some kind of incident with coffee."

She waved off his concern. "Nothing much, just a ruined blouse and some slightly scalded skin." She laughed. "I'm pretty sure Gavin just didn't want me to sue them, so he let me have the day off."

Satisfied with the answer, he turned his attention to his brother, nearly loping across her apartment toward him. Clapping a hand on Danny's shoulder he drew his brother into an enthusiastic embrace. "Dude, what are you doing here?"

"I just had to get back. I missed everything too much. Had a talk with Georgie, packed all my things, and took the first flight out of Paris. Poor planning I guess, I couldn't find anyone when I got here and I didn't have a cellphone. I showed up knocking on her door a little bit ago."

The lie slid easily from his lips, enough to send shame spiraling through him. This was not how he wanted things.

Ben didn't seem to notice the sheepish look on Danny's face. "Oh man, this is perfect timing." He spun on his heel, looking toward Riley. "Did you tell him the big news?"

She shook her head, her throat too constricted to speak. Ben turned back to Danny, a broad grin on his face. "We're engaged, bro."

Too excited to stand still, Ben whirled around to Riley again, missing the pained expression of disbelief on his brother's features. "That's why I'm here actually. I went down to the courthouse to get a marriage license so we could do it as soon as possible, but it turns out both parties have to be present." Suddenly he remembered something. "Oh! And I got this!"

His hand dove into his pocket, withdrawing a little velvet box. "It's not much, but it's all I could do on such short notice on a bartender's salary."

He shoved the item into her hand, waiting with childlike anticipation as she opened it and looked at the ring. His impatience got the better of him and he snatched the jewelry from the box, slipping the ring on her hand easily.

He frowned at the gap between her skin and the silver band. "It's a little big, but we can fix it later."

"Sure, sure..." She was watching Danny surreptitiously, her heart in her throat.

He had gathered up his bag from her bedroom and approached the two of them. "I'm gonna head down to the ice rink and run a few drills, get my legs back under me. I'll probably head over to mom's later, get my cell turned back on. Call me when you've got everything worked out."

Riley could read the pain in his eyes, pain that he kept out of his voice through sheer force of will. "Danny..."

She didn't know what to say. Ben filled the awkward silence for her. "You bet. I want you to be my best man."

Danny nodded, backing across the threshold. "That sounds... great. I'll see you in a bit."

He turned away, dragging himself down the hall, a two ton boulder sitting on his chest, pushing out all the air. He felt like he was dying.


	14. Endurance

**A/N: and so the story continues to march on, inching ever closer to the end. I really appreciate the comments I've gotten, they make me smile like an idiot.**

The blades of his skates flew across the ice, no friction to stop Danny from sailing across the rink. He went hard, getting his cardio rate up high, the blood pumping through his limbs, deep fast breaths whooshing in and out of his lungs. Coming up on the puck dropped randomly on the ice, he turned abruptly, the broad side of his skates grating against the ice, a fine powder flying out from beneath him.

He swung his stick, a graceful arc coming down against the black disk with more force that precision. It flew across the ice, missing the goal by several feet. It bounced off the boards as Danny stood still, panting.

This wasn't helping. He'd been pushing his body to the limit for the past two hours, grateful for the empty rink, hoping that the pain in his muscles would distract him from the sick feeling in his stomach.

He grunted in frustration, rushing toward the opposite end of the rink, going as fast as he possibly could, the air whooshing past him cooling his sweat drenched skin. He wasn't wearing his pads, unnecessary really, there would be no impact today. It reminded him of when he was a kid, going up to the frozen lake in the middle of winter, just skating, racing with

Ben. He'd always won, his longer legs powered by bigger muscles would propel him along the ice like a rocket.

He'd caught Riley once, twirling dreamily on the ice, imitating some figure skating poses she'd seen on tv, her eyes closed as she threw her hands up in the air. He'd been transfixed, seeing her differently. The aggressive athlete he'd seen bowl through opponents in field hockey was gone, the fiercely competitive look on her face as she pushed them aside replaced by a dreamy expression. He'd once suggested she try out for the roller derby team that practiced down the street from the ice rink, but now it seemed absurd.

But as he'd watched her make slow circles out on the ice, unaware that she was being watched, he'd realized that maybe she didn't always want to be seen as one of the boys.

* * *

He approached her slowly, the sound of his skates on the ice pulling her out of her reverie. "Riley?"

She stopped her half hearted twirls abruptly, nearly losing her balance, horrified embarrassment written all over her face. "Danny!"

Glowing, the flush on her cheeks both from embarrassment and her exertions, she avoided eye contact with him.

"What are you doing?"

She turned, skating back toward the edge of the lake. "N-nothing… just skating…" She was basically running away from him.

"Riley. It was… nice."

"Shut up…" She was instantly defensive, used to her friends giving her a hard time about feminine pursuits. When Danny didn't continue to poke at her about it, she glanced back at him, shyly. "Really? I mean, I'm just fooling around." She sighed. "Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be that dainty and graceful."

He reached out and grabbed one of her glove clad hands, spinning her in a quick circle. "You don't have to wonder."

She laughed, a little insecurity still clinging to her. "Sure, Rigantor is the most graceful of all the goalkeepers on the field hockey team." Her voice waivered slightly as the hurtful nickname tumbled from her lips.

Eager to change the subject, Danny came up behind her quickly, hooking his hands under her arms, lifting her up off the ice as he skated, his speed increasing as she let out a surprised yelp. "Danny, put me down, you're gonna drop me."

He just skated faster, zipping across the ice. She started to giggle, enjoying the feel of the cold air whipping across her face. She threw her arms outward and enjoyed the ride. They reached the edge of the lake, and he dug his skates in, a quick turn he was used to doing in the hockey rink.

He hadn't considered the shift in his center of gravity, and they tumbled together into the snow bank, Danny getting a face full of the powdery substance. Riley gasped with laughter, tears streaming down her face as she tried to catch her breath.

He rolled over, collapsing into robust laughter himself. Scooting down the bank, she rose to her feet again, reaching back to help Danny up. They slowly skated back across the lake, Riley stopping just before she reached the edge.

She turned back to Danny, hesitant to leave. He looked at her curiously. "Thanks, Danny."

She didn't have to elaborate, her meaning clear in the grateful expression on her face. He nodded, suddenly feeling a little self conscious, and unfamiliar fluttering in his chest. "Any time."

* * *

He was lost in the memory, rocketing toward the boards at break neck speed. The tip of his skate caught in an unexpected pit in the ice, throwing him forward against the wall. It knocked the breath out of him, and he lay wheezing on the ice, the cold seeping through the layers of clothing.

"What are you doing? Trying to be the team's new goon or something? I have news for you son, you're too pretty to be an enforcer, and I paid way too much for those nice straight teeth."

He opened his eyes slowly, hoping the voice grating on his ears was an auditory hallucination. No such luck. The blonde head bobbing over the short wall separating the ice from the benches dashed all hopes of hallucination. "Mom."

"Danny Wheeler, drag your ass up off that ice and explain to me what exactly you're doing."

Reluctantly he got his feet back underneath him, gliding across the short distance to the wall. "I'm skating, rebuilding my endurance, slapping a puck around."

"Danny." There it was, that tone no one but his mother seemed capable of adopting. She wouldn't let him feign ignorance. "I'm so happy to be the _last_ person to know you were flying halfway around the world to come home. Also, apparently the _last _person to see you upon your arrival back in New York."

Suddenly the frustration kept at bay by his exertions broke free. "And I'm _so _happy to be the _last_ person to know my brother is engaged to the girl I love. Thanks for that, mom." He pushed past her, stomping toward one of the benches.

She followed close behind, settling beside him as he angrily untied his skates. "Danny, it _just _happened. Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it. You know how your brother is, diving head first into crazy situations, then flailing around trying to get out of them. I'm sure this is a mistake."

Danny shook his head, laughing bitterly. "Oh, really, well you may want to tell Ben that, since he went to get a marriage license today, and hopes to be married by the end of the week." He jerked the skate off and tossed it aside, turning to work on the second one.

Bonnie nodded, scooting closer to her son. She placed her hand gently on his back, rubbing comforting circles. "I know sweetie, he called me, which is how I knew you were here. But still, it's Ben. "

He finally tugged off the second skate. Resting his elbows on his knees, he dropped his head down in his hands. "I've asked the team manager about being traded to the Philadelphia Flyers. They expressed interest back when-"

Bonnie interrupted him. "Danny, no you can't run away again. You need-"

Heaving a huge sigh he raised his head. Her words stopped abruptly at the pleading look on her son's face. "Mom, I can't do this. I thought I could. I just missed everyone so much. I thought I could just put up with it until I finally got over it, but I can't. I dream about her, dream about things that can never happen, and it's not fair to Ben either, because I wouldn't hesitate to do the things I dream about for one second if it seemed like she wanted it too."

"Have you said any of this to her?"

"She knows mom."

"But have you said it?"

He was silent for a minute. "I kissed her, mom, and she kissed me back."

"What! That little-"

Danny ignored her outburst and continued. "And I thought for a minute that things could change, that this impossible situation could somehow work out, but Ben knocked on the door, and neither of us said anything. She still wants to marry him. I can't watch their life together happen. I have to leave."

* * *

Bonnie sat in silence, the gears in her head spinning wildly. As much as her boys drove her insane, when they hurt she hurt. It was a mother thing, something metaphysical tied you to your children. It was a bond that sometimes surprised her with its intensity.

This particular situation was something she'd been dreading for years, watching Danny moon over his best friend while she simultaneously mooned over Ben. She didn't _want_ to blame Riley for this awkward triangle of infatuation, but really, from the outside looking in it sure seemed like the girl was trying to have her cake and eat it too.

Here she was, sitting beside her utterly heartbroken giant of a son, wanting nothing more than to pick him up, and cradle him to her chest like she'd done so many times when he was little, and all she could do was bite back all the acidic remarks sitting on the tip of her tongue.

The pain she felt for her boys made her irrational, more so than usual, and yet she was fully aware that it wasn't exactly Riley's _fault_ that Danny was smitten, and Ben was… well, she honestly wasn't sure what Ben was. _He _certainly believed he was in love with the petite blonde siren, but it didn't look like the kind of feeling that would survive being dashed upon the rocks of life.

She knew what it was like to marry the wrong person, to labor under a naive notion of love. If she could go back and change it… well she wouldn't, not now. Danny and Ben were the result, and she wouldn't give them up for anything, but she couldn't wish the heartache she'd experienced on anyone.

She leaned her head on Danny's shoulder, a plan beginning to percolate in her brain. "You can leave, sure, but you have to tell her exactly how you feel, or you'll always wonder."

It should buy her some time, time desperately needed to assess the situation further. She wouldn't have to do things this way if Ben wasn't in such a damn hurry to finalize everything. If he pushed a courthouse wedding as soon as possible, things might get beyond repair in less than forty-eight hours.

Danny nodded at her suggestion, a resigned sigh slipping out into the empty air. "I'll do that, and if… if I have to, I'll stay for the wedding… for Ben, but that's it."


	15. Desserts

**A/N: Chugging along as usual. I know where this is going, trust me. ;) Your comments have been lovely and I really appreciate them, they make writing a pleasurable experience.**

Riley looked down at the list in her hand, finding it somewhat overwhelming. She just didn't have enough time to do all of this if Ben wanted the wedding to be the next day. She had to go to the bakery and pick up the cake, a cake that Bonnie had _insisted_ on for some reason. Something about not wanting people to think it was a shotgun wedding.

She sighed. Actually, most of this list were things that Bonnie had suggested in order to make the wedding look less rushed. It all seemed a bit pointless to Riley. There was no way to hide the fact that they'd gotten engaged and married in less than a month.

Her eyes darted down, skimming over flowers and reservations at a swanky uptown restaurant for the reception, lighting on one word. Dress. Her eyes misted a little. It was crazy to her that she was getting married in less than twenty four hours, and she didn't even have a dress yet.

Of course, she knew she could just pick one of the beautiful dresses hanging in her closet. There were plenty of them, sure, but none of them were a wedding dress, none of them had that indefinable thing that set tears welling in your eyes, happiness blooming in your chest. She was plagued by the thought that no dress would do that for this wedding.

She set down the list, ignoring the way it had shook in her hand. It was just nerves, something everyone experienced the day before their wedding right? Her shoulders slumped. She'd never been able to lie to herself, and the truth was she'd been looking for a way to gently let Ben down since Danny had kissed her.

The very thought of that kiss sent blood rushing to her cheeks, a breathless feeling settling in her chest. For a minute she'd felt weightless, floating on a cloud of euphoria as his arms banded around her, hugging her close. She'd felt something in that kiss, an abandon that was totally alien in her dealings with Danny. Every other time his lips had touched hers, there'd been a hesitance, a constraint that kept her from understanding the true depth of his feelings.

Suddenly she felt confused. If the desperation she'd felt in his kiss were real, why had he left so suddenly? Why hadn't he said anything since? If what she saw in his eyes was actually love, why wasn't he fighting for her?

She felt a hand settle on her shoulder and nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Whoa, Riley, you're jumpy today."

Ben. Shit. She snatched the list up off the counter, holding it in front of her like a shield. "Look at all this. How am I supposed to get all of this done in less than a day?"

Ben approached her carefully, tentatively plucking the list from her fingers. His lips turned down in a slight frown. "I would do some of this for you, but I don't think you want me picking out your dress." He continued to skim the list. "Or picking out your bouquet… and I think you have to be the one to actually go to the salon and get your hair and makeup done." He bit his bottom lip, flipping the list over. "A-ha! I'll make the reservations, and me and mom can go to the lawyer's office and start the paperwork for Emma's adoption, and I'll call and make reservations." He beamed at her, satisfied that he'd solved her dilemma.

It was almost too much for her. She couldn't let him continue to think this was going to happen. She girded herself, taking a deep breath. "Ben, I can't-"

He interrupted her. "Oh, that's right. You need help picking up the cake, it's like what, three tiers?" His eyebrows furrowed, trying to think of a solution. His eyebrows shot up happily. "I know, Danny can go with you. He's been down at the rink constantly since he's been back, I'm sure he'd be happy to take a break. And you can go pick up a dress before you get the cake, two birds with one stone. I won't see the dress, and Danny can carry some of the tiers."

Riley's mouth snapped shut as her courage fled, and she mentally berated herself for being a coward. "Uh… that's…"

"Brilliant right?"

She nodded helplessly and Ben darted forward to light an affection peck on her lips. "I'll go pick mom up, and tell Danny to meet you at the bakery." He caressed her arms lightly, a smile playing at his lips. "We're really doing this." The words were a whisper almost, a little nervous gulp at the end. She could only continue bob her head in hopeless agreement.

She watched him leave, the words she needed to utter stuck in her throat. Oh hell.

She arrived at the bakery before Danny, the man behind the counter smiling at her expectantly as the little bell over the door tinkled. At this point it seemed like she was sleepwalking, unable to truly interact with the world around her.

She reflexively smiled back at the man, feeling like an automaton, baring her teeth in a semblance of a grin. He gave her a strange look and returned to arranging cannolis in the glass case. She couldn't walk up to him and say she was looking to buy a rush wedding cake. There wasn't going to be a wedding, damn it, continuing with the charade was just ridiculous.

She strolled up to the display, surveying everything on offer, her mouth watering at the sight of the perfect little rows of macaroons, a rainbow array of pastries. She just needed something to settle the butterflies fluttering in her stomach, something to nibble on while the nausea abated.

The bakery itself was arranged much like a coffee shop, little tables and chairs scattered across the front, glass cases displaying the baked goods. I she weren't so distracted, she would have truly enjoyed how charming it all looked.

The man's head popped up again. "Can I get one macaroon please, and…" She glanced around, eyes lighting on Danny's favorite pastry, a chocolate eclair. She pointed at it. "And one of those too." She surveyed the menu, happy to see they at least offered black coffee. "And two coffees."

* * *

Danny paced outside of the bakery, his palms sweaty. He cursed himself for not being able to think of an excuse to get out of this. He didn't want to be around her, his fingers itching to touch her skin, arms aching to hold her.

Clearly she had made her choice, going through with all these wedding plans. If he didn't know better, he'd even say this was cruel of her to let Ben drag him into everything like this. She'd made her decision, why did he have to be such a big part of things?

Finally mustering the courage to swing open the door, he strode into the bakery, the tinkling of the bell alerting everyone already inside to his presence. The place was practically empty, one straggler studying a cake sitting on a stand, the man behind the counter happily rotating it so she could look at the delicately sculpted confection more closely.

Riley wasn't here? He glanced around, a confused look furrowing his brows. The man behind the counter excused himself from his other customer, jerking his head in Danny's direction. "You Danny Wheeler?"

The sound of his name on a stranger's lips pulled Danny out of his thoughts, and he approached the counter cautiously, nodding slowly in response. The man smiled, a little laugh passing his lips. "Of course you are, not many people fitting your description walk through that door with such a confused look on their face."

Description? This only served to confused Danny further. The man reached under the counter, coming back up with a coffee in a to-go cup and a small white paper bag. "These are for you, already paid for." Reaching down into the pocket of his apron, he withdrew a folded piece of paper. He wiggled his eyebrows as he slid it across the counter. "And a note from a pretty lady, too."

No stranger to romantic games, the baker mistakenly thought he was part of some love fueled scavenger hunt, and was perplexed by the pained look on the young man's face.

Danny swallowed, fear washing over him as he collected the things from the counter, the note burning in his palm as he walked back out the door. Stopping in the street, he carefully unfolded the stationary, unsurprised to see the letterhead from Riley's law firm.

The note was hastily scrawled, the hand that had written it undoubtedly shaky.

_Danny,_

_I'm so sorry for the way things have turned out. At this point there doesn't seem to be a right thing to do. There's hurt waiting around every corner. There's a part of me that wants to say "Screw it!" and just selfishly pursue what I really want, but that's not fair, to anyone. You and your brother are too important to me. I think it's best for everyone involved if I just leave. Tell Ben I'm sorry too. I did think I loved him, but now I know that's not what love really is. I'll miss you._

_R._


	16. The Cottage on the Hill

After leaving the bakery, she'd hurried back to her apartment, throwing a miscellaneous collection of garments into a bag, rushing so much that she'd packed twelve pairs of stockings and only one bra. Her last minute decision to run away was chocked full of problems, the first of which being that Danny would immediately start looking for her.

She couldn't hide in her apartment, door locked against the path of destruction she'd left in her wake. The Wheelers wouldn't let her be, wouldn't let her decision stand, even if it was for everyone's good.

She'd had no plan, just running to the train station, and now she stood in front of the departures board, utterly unsure of what to do next. She had nowhere to go, her parents' house being the first place Danny or Ben would go after they'd discovered her missing.

Briefly she considered just buying a round trip ticket for the farthest destination, spending two weeks in a hotel trying to figure out what her next move should be, but the notion was immediately struck down. She couldn't be out of touch for so long. What if something happened to her family? It was just irresponsible, not to mention expensive.

The brief call she'd made to the firm, outlining a totally fictitious family emergency, had given her a few weeks to play with, but she wouldn't be paid during that time, and living in New York City was expensive. She couldn't just throw her money around like that. There had to be another option.

She twisted her hands nervously, squeezing her eyes shut trying to concentrate. Immediately the image of Danny, standing alone in the picturesque little bakery set her heart to fluttering, tears threatening her eyes. Had the note been too much? She'd certainly revealed her true feelings, even if she hadn't come out and said the words. Danny was more astute than people gave him credit for, especially when it came to reading people. He'd always been able to see beneath the surface.

An idea began to form in the back of her mind, sparked by the quaint shop she'd abandoned her best friend in. A bakery. Of course. There was one place she could go, theoretically anyway, someone who might feel like he owed her a lifetime's worth of safe harbor.

She shouldered her bag, determination coursing through her as she approached the ticket window. David Brinkerhoff was about to have an unexpected visitor.

* * *

Thumbing through the bills in her wallet, Riley withdrew a pair of twenties, handing them to the unsmiling cabbie. The ride from the train station to David's house had been longer than she expected, depleting her dwindling cash supply more than she would have liked. Dragging her bag out of the back seat, she slammed the door, the yellow cab speeding away before she could change her mind.

David lived in a surprisingly rural area, about half an hour from his bakery. Riley had long ago memorized the address on the background check she'd ran on him, her investigative instincts momentarily taking over before she'd reigned them in, but she'd never expected to find such a cute little house tucked away in the rolling hills of upstate New York, a beautifully laid cobblestone pathway leading up the hill to the front door, well manicured bushes flanking the cottage.

Even in the fading light of late evening, the place had a sort of otherworldly glow about it, a warmth that made her feel like everything would be okay. She took a deep breath, the clear air rushing into her lungs, carrying with it the energy needed to make her way up the path.

Her knuckles rapped on the oak door, the frosted glass panes rattling slightly with the force of her knock. She waited, breathless trepidation freezing her in place. Barely a minute passed, although to Riley it felt like a year, and she anxiously raised her hand to knock again.

The door swung open abruptly, too quick for her to stop the motion of her arm. It landed on his chest awkwardly, and she glanced away shyly as she withdrew her hand. "Um, Mr. Brinkerhoff.. or rather, David…" She stammered, her normal eloquence totally abandoning her. "Ahem.. I guess I don't know what to call you. I mean, you're my dad, but you're not, but it's not because you chose not to be, so I just-"

"Riley?"

She swallowed, plastering a fake smile on her face, a jokey tone enveloping her next words. "I can't call you that. It's my name." She swung her elbow out toward him, trying to help her lame joke find it's mark. After a few seconds of awkward silence, her smile fell. "David…"

She had no words to explain her predicament. It seemed so silly to her when she constructed a story in her head. A stupid love triangle, barely worthy of your most cliche romantic comedies, something she would have rolled her eyes at if someone else had been in this situation. But, damn it, this was her life. Still, the words would not come.

She looked at him imploringly, her eyes wide, a sudden sheen of tears magnifying their bottomless depths. Her mouth came open again, opening and closing like a fish on dry land. David simply nodded at her, gently laying one hand on her shoulder as he guided her into his home. She was so grateful that this gentle man was her biological father. It was quite the stroke of luck, considering Margot's penchant for theatrics and inappropriate men. Yet here was David, staring at her with more sympathy than she'd ever been the recipient of. She needed that.


	17. No Coffee for You

**A/N: I actually wrote ch 19 before I wrote chapters 17 and 18. It's strange how some chapters just flow out while others are kind of like pulling teeth. Sorry if this one is a little weird.**

Bonnie cursed the six inch stilettos she was wearing, the torture devices pinching at her toes with each hurried step. Ben was speed-walking ahead of her, chattering a million miles an hour.

"And so if we hurry at the lawyer's office, we can make it to the courthouse by three, and still have time to make our reservations at by five. I'm not entirely sure what goes into this kind of adoption, but-"

"Ben!" Bonnie tugged at his elbow, stopping him in his tracks just before he walked right into traffic. "Slow down, son. How do you walk so fast in such skinny jeans?" She was wheezing slightly, out of breath in her attempt to keep up. "Your appointment with the lawyer isn't for another half hour, and it's just down the street." She nodded toward a food truck at the curb. "We even have time to grab a coffee or something."

Ben blinked, trying to reign in the nervous energy coursing through him. "I don't know if coffee's such a good idea."

She nodded, guiding him to the curb behind a short line of people. "Well, I need one, this wedding planning is wearing me out." She shuffled back and forth, alternating which foot she put her weight on. Reaching out, she braced herself on her son. "Seriously, what is with the hurry? Is little Miss Perrin prego or something?"

She'd asked the question specifically so she could gage his response, but before Ben could respond, she removed her hand, a disgusted look on her face. "God, Ben, you're sweating like a pig."

He pulled a face at her, rolling his eyes. "No, she's not pregnant." He laughed. "Wouldn't that be awful? I mean, Emma's already a handful, and yeah, Riley's great with her, but another kid would be a disaster."

Bonnie conceded this point. Ben definitely wasn't prepared to be the father of two children. She opened her mouth to continue her point by point interrogation, the one she'd been working on all day. It was precisely configured to make him aware of how unprepared he was. "Well-"

Ben continued, as if she hadn't spoken. "I don't even think I want any more kids. Emma seems like enough, don't you think?"

Bonnie's eyes grew wide. "Really?" This was news to her, and it opened up a totally different channel of questioning, one that could be just as effective. "Have you talked to Riley about this?"

The couple in front of them departed, leaving the food truck window wide open, it's owner grunting loudly to get the Wheeler's attention. "Your biggest coffee, black." The order came out a little louder than she'd intended a slight edge to her words possibly garnering her something disgustingly special added to her beverage. She didn't care though, so intent was she on following this line of questioning.

Ben looked a little taken aback, one eyebrow shot up in surprise. "Uh, no, not really."

"Oh." There it was, her forte, drawing out one syllable words with an inflection powerful enough to convey a whole sentence worth of meaning.

Ben cleared his throat, reaching for the coffee shoved at them. Bonnie dug in her purse, tossing some loose bills at the window, not caring if she got her change back. Ignoring the irritated grumbles of the vendor, she followed Ben as he continued down the street, this time at a much slower pace than before. "Well, Ben, that's kind of important, don't you think? It's never come up?"

They were still headed in the direction of the lawyer's office, early afternoon sun glinting off the windows of nearby buildings, Ben clutching Bonnie's forgotten coffee as he feet moved more and more slowly. She could see the wheels turning in his head, his brow knitted in thought. "N-no." He swallowed, not wanting to stammer, but he really didn't know what to say. "We've never… talked about things like that?"

"Is that a question? You shouldn't be asking me that. You should know. Does she want kids or not?"

He shrugged, his mouth opening and closing. Bonnie's eyes widened. "Well what _have _you discussed?" Her tone was a little sharper than she'd intended. Taking a deep breath, she pulled back a little. "Ben, what exactly is this all about?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, what's wrong with dating? It's not like she's going anywhere."

At this little declaration, Ben came to a full stop, narrowing his eyes at his mother. "What are you playing at mom?"

Bonnie smoothed her features, intent on portraying utter innocence. "Benjamin, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You don't want me to marry Riley?"

She sighed, her shoulders slumping. "Ben, I want you to marry the girl you love, and live happily ever after, of course I do, I'm your mother. I care about my childrens' happiness."

"So that's what this is about. I knew it!" Ben clenched his jaw, stomping over to the nearest trash can, dropping the coffee into it. "Figures you would be on _his_ side."

Shit. This is not how she wanted things to go, she grasped at the tail of his jacket as he spun away from her. "That's not it at all, and you know it mister!"

Ben turned slightly to jerk his clothing from her fingertips. "No one has ever stopped her from doing what she wanted. If she wanted to be with Danny, she would be with Danny, right?"

Bonnie bit her bottom lip, not wanting to hurt her son further, but finding it impossible to keep her opinions to herself. "It's so naive of you to think it's like that. You're clearly too young for this." She let out a pained little whine. "Damn it, Ben, if things were that simple, do you think your father would have stayed married to me for so long? That I would have married him in the first place? People don't always know what they want. Even when they do, it's _still _not simple."

"This is hardly the same."

She could see the pain of uncertainty on his face, but it was almost a relief to her. There wasn't bullheaded determination, or even heartbreak. He was so unsure of all the decisions he was making. It motivated her to continue. "So you haven't talked about whether or not she wants kids. Fine. Have you talked about where you're going to live, or how you want to raise Emma? Did you even ask her about the adoption?"

Ben turned away from her fully this time, stomping in the direction of the lawyer's office. She scurried after him, ignoring the pain in her feet. "Ben, I was unhappy for so long. I just don't want you to go through the same thing."

He walked faster, hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans, shoulders hunched forward. He called out to her without turning. "You don't have to come with me. I can take care of this myself."


	18. Hope

**A/N: Again, I just felt like I couldn't skip this part before getting to the part I really wanted to write (ch 19) :O.**

Danny unfolded the note, reading it perhaps for the twentieth time, the creases in the paper becoming more defined with each pass. He couldn't describe the feelings zipping through him, everything a contradictory mess. He genuinely felt bad for the news he had to deliver to Ben, a tiny part of him even annoyed with Riley for making him the messenger.

But there was a larger part, one that kept shoving all the other ones out of the way, that was giddy at the prospect of Riley breaking things off with his brother. Inevitably these feelings were always followed by a wave of guilt. He could have texted, or even called his brother, but it just didn't seem right. So here he was, sweating bullets and waiting in the silent apartment.

Had it ever been this quiet before? He could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall, the faint noises of traffic down in the street, trying it's best to filter past the tightly closed windows. The sound of his own breathing perhaps the loudest thing of all, his fingers drumming on the arm of the sofa, his heart beating in his ears.

It was delusional, but Danny felt like he was waiting for his life to start, like he was poised on the brink of something huge, waiting for some invisible buzzer to sound so that he could dash out the door, go to her… finally. This note gave him hope, a warmth curling in the pit of his stomach, breathless anticipation fluttering in his chest. He could find her. No matter where she went, he could find her.

That certainty never lasted long, fear pushing it aside every so often, a persistent waking nightmare that he might make things even worse than they already were, that she may have disappeared for good. Riley seemed convinced that there was no way out of this situation, and at times, Danny felt maybe she was right, his determination to throw caution to the wind waivering somewhat.

The biggest problem was Ben. He loved his brother, an ache deep in his chest pulsing when he thought Ben might hurt the way Danny himself had hurt for so long. The only thing that kept Danny from throwing in the towel was that note, that tiny scrap of paper with hastily scrawled lines on it. He knew now that whatever Riley felt for his brother, it was not the kind of thing that lasted for decades, it wasn't the kind of thing that made you sick with longing. It was affection. It was kindness, but it wasn't heartwrenching desperation, a consuming passion that wouldn't release you. Ben would survive this, move on.

Really, it was best for everyone if Ben and Riley cut their losses. A marriage with a foundation in uncertainty certainly couldn't be advisable. It's what he told himself when a little nagging voice entered his head, a voice that told him maybe he was wrong, that reminded him, "Hey there Danny, you're not always quick on the uptake."

He shook his head as the doubtful thoughts began to circle once more. Maybe he was wrong. It _was_ a possibility, he'd allow for that. He'd just have to watch Ben closely when he told him Riley was gone, look for the tell tale signs of heartbreak… of relief?

Danny was just about to begin his inner pep talk for the tenth time, when the door to the apartment burst open, Ben himself stomping through the entrance, slamming the oak paneling back as he stomped across the living room, not even noticing Danny sitting nervously on the couch.

He got up cautiously, following his brother into the kitchen. "Ben?"

Ben whirled, beer clutched in one hand, the other quickly slamming the fridge shut. "What?"

The irritation surprised Danny, unsure of its source. Every speech Danny had practiced on the way over here, every conciliatory phrase, supportive pat, flew out of his mind, and he was left standing like an idiot, holding out the little scrap of paper for his brother.

Ben looked at him like he was a mental patient, his gaze darting down to the worn little note. "What is this?"

Still, Danny couldn't find the words, and Ben finally gave up, tugging the paper from his hand. His eyes quickly skimmed the scrap, taking in the little flourish at the end where she'd signed her initial. "She's gone?"

Ben felt like a world class idiot, believing that Riley had been content this whole time. How could he have ignored the lines of weariness around her eyes, her face puffy after a secret bout of tears? She'd been miserable, and he'd ignored it in the hopes that it would magically get better.

The worst part, the part that nearly took his breath away with it's intensity, was the relief he felt. He was suddenly unburdened by the weight of her sadness, the guilt that coursed through him when he caught her alone, staring wistfully off into space, evaporated instantly.

He schooled his features into a blank mask, not willing to let Danny be privy to the revelations zipping through him. He sat the beer down on the counter, pushing it away from his slightly trembling fingers. "I guess there's not going to be a wedding today." He crumpled the note and tossed it in the floor.

Ben dared to take a glance at his brother, searching desperately for some sign of glee on Danny's face, something that would tell him what part his brother had played in all of this. The relief he felt wasn't enough to totally snuff out the pain, the anger, and it would have given him a great sense of satisfaction to find a reason to haul off and punch Danny right in the face.

She hadn't even written the note to him. Danny's name scrawled across the top of the paper, words of love clearly directed toward the older Wheeler, and yet here stood the giant, giving him a look so filled with sympathy, Ben thought he might crumble beneath it. As if he hadn't just won. Ben felt deflated, snatching the beer back up, chugging it until the last drop passed his lips.

He tossed the bottle in the trash, not looking at Danny, and walked straight past him. The slamming of the door the only sound echoing through the apartment as he resolved to end this, the inevitability of his situation hitting him for the first time.


	19. Regret

**A/N: I fear I may have hyped this chapter too much (I just really really enjoyed writing it) :P. Anywho, here it is, finally.**

Immaculate rows of painstakingly iced cupcakes stood at attention in front of him, delicate little sentinels guarding the countertop. He couldn't help but release a tiny little sigh of satisfaction as he finished off the last one.

David Brinkerhoff was a man known for his incredible attention to detail. Whether it was the pale color gradations on sugary flower petals or the slight almost unnoticeable hint of citrus in his donut glaze, he took pride in the little things, and it afforded him no small amount of success.

A disinterested observer might say he seemed a little obsessive, trying out twenty different recipes for crumb cake before finally settling on one, but David would merely point out the popularity of said crumb cake, smiling as he offered a taste.

These cupcakes, like everything else in his bakery, were the result of weeks of trial and error, and he was inordinately proud of them, just like everything he created. The tray slipped easily into the glass case, sliding alongside confections of a similar nature.

He hadn't always been like this, a certain disaffected manner permeated his personality as a teen. It had been a defense mechanism of sorts, putting on an air of carelessness to hide how much not fitting in had actually hurt. It wasn't a good way to make friends or any long lasting relationships really, but it was how he'd slogged through high school, one day at a time.

His chest tightened a little as memories he'd long forgotten began to filter their way into his consciousness.

Margot had been the lone spot of sunshine in a truly dreary four years,- freewheeling spirit with ready affection and an infectious smile. He'd fallen for her instantly, not caring that she had a boyfriend (or as she called him "my temporary paramour"). Margot had never been defined by rules or labels, she just wanted to enjoy life.

He sighed, turning back to a fresh rack of un-iced cupcakes, readying the funnel at his hand. He rotated the pastry evenly as the icing squeezed out, this time somewhat distracted by thoughts of his newfound daughter. At the moment it seemed like she'd inherited far more from him than his fondness for sweets.

He could see Margot in her, physically there were many similarities. The most noticeable of which were her impossibly big brown eyes, staring up at him with an expression he'd never seen on Margot, a sadness he wished he could eradicate.

She'd been twitchy and nervous at his door, rambling on about random things before trailing off, an embarrassed flush coloring her cheeks. She'd definitely inherited his tightly wound nature. Margot had been so incredibly laid back, so sure of herself, it was hard to imagine the woman had ever experienced a single second of self doubt.

He'd been astonished when she'd sidled up to him all those years ago, sitting alone on the bleachers at the last football game of the year, slipping her arm under his, her eyes sparkling.

It wasn't just a physical thing, like many people thought, people who instantly categorized Margot as "that" kind of girl. They'd talked for hours, laid out on top of a sleeping bag in the back of his pickup, counting stars in the frigid air of late fall.

David had been encapsulated by the small town they lived in, resigned to never being more than a blip on humanity's radar. But Margot wouldn't stand for that. She had grand plans to see the world, leave her mark everywhere she went. She talked and talked, her passion for art, clothes, even music pulling her a million different directions at once.

She'd opened a little door inside of him, a crack large enough to let the light of possibility in. They hadn't lasted, of course, Margot fluttering on to the next lucky soul almost immediately, and that was fine. They'd had a brief flash of brightly colored happiness, both better for it in the end. At least that's what he'd thought.

The last cupcake slipped through his fingers, landing face down on the floor behind the counter. He cursed softly, bending down to clean up the mess, the mishap doing little to draw his attention back to the present.

He'd left town shortly after their fling, opting to graduate early and travel across the country. He hadn't known what he wanted, but he had known it was out there somewhere. If it hadn't been for Margot he never would have found this, the infinite pleasure he found in baking, in running his own business, in making people smile as they walked through his door.

The thought of having children had never crossed his mind, Margot herself only flitting into his thoughts when he occasionally saw a strange woman chattering with sunshine in her voice on the street, and even then it was only a brief flash.

He'd been so content until a few months ago, until a ton of bricks had been dropped on his head. He'd picked up the phone countless times, even dialing the first digits of Riley's number before his nerves got the better of him.

He angrily scrubbed at the tiles in front of him, making sure to get up all of the sugary mess. Emotions warred inside of him, years of being grateful for Margot's effect on his life were slowly being erased by an all encompassing regret. He'd had a child, and he'd missed her entire life. She was a lawyer for Pete's sake, living on her own in the city. He couldn't believe Margot hadn't deigned to contact him in twenty five years.

Rising to his feet once more, knees creaking slightly, David peeked over the counter to where Riley was sitting, thoroughly absorbed in whatever she was writing.

She didn't need another father. By all accounts she'd grown up with two wonderful parents, missing out on practically nothing. His heart clenched at the thought, throat tightening as he imagined Riley hitting all the milestones he missed. They'd been there for that, but did they really understand her?

The panic and worry he was sometimes accosted with seemed to be indescribable, and only someone with similar experience could really empathize. He wondered if maybe whatever she was going through at the moment was this same anxiety. Did she have racing thoughts as her mind cycled through all the possibilities before her?

He swallowed, unsure really of what to say, but knowing that he had to make up for lost time somehow. He cleared his throat, the sound causing her head to pop up immediately. "Riley?"

"Yeah?" She looked at him, curiosity coloring her features.

"Could you help me get something from the storage room?"

She nodded, closing the notebook and leaving it on the table before following him into the small back room, lined with shelves.

He took a deep breath, unsure of how to approach her. "There are some bags of sugar on the top shelf, I'll hand them down to you. Just set them on that table over there."

They worked in silence for a few moments, developing a rote system to move the sugar. Eventually David garnered the wherewithal to start a real conversation. He turned toward her, bag of sugar poised just out of reach. "Riley, I know you're hiding from something, otherwise you never would have come all the way out here."

She swallowed, arms still awkwardly suspended over her head. David took her silence as an admission and shouldered the bag before climbing down the ladder.

She backed up slowly, making room for his descent, her mouth hanging open in surprise. Suddenly it was easy, too easy maybe, to say all of the things that were swirling around in her head, she clamped down, pursing her lips tightly. She didn't want to burden him with this mess, he was almost a stranger to her.

Instead of pressing, like she expected, like everyone in her life always did, he just stood there, an open countenance telling her that whatever it was, he understood, that he was judgment free.

It was a strange feeling, something indescribable in her reaching out for something equally undefinable in him, yet knowing she would find it.

"I'm an idiot." Her face crumpled, tears held at bay for days finally breaking free of the levees that held them. "I'm engaged... to someone I don't love." She began to stammer, tears clogging her voice as she moved back and forth, wringing her hands. "I mean, uh, I do love him, but not... not the way you love someone you marry. It's convenient, pleasant even, but it's not..." She lost the ability to speak, hiccupping through the tears as she tried to regain some composure. "I don't feel like I'm drowning when he's not with me. I don't feel like I've lost a piece of me when he walks away." She took a deep breath, getting to her most recent revelation. "And when he kisses me, it isn't… it isn't like the world has stopped spinning and I'm weightless, tethered to reality by his touch."

She buried her face in her hands, mortified by her outburst. She thought he would just give her a consoling pat and leave her to stew in her misery. She was half right, a gentle touch rested on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "I take it there _is _someone who makes you feel all those things?"

She nodded helplessly. "His brother, Danny." She felt worse, having said the words just made it seem all the more distasteful. Sniffling, she said, "I know how it sounds, and I'm an awful person, but Danny has been my best friend, my protector… my unconditional support for longer than I can remember. It's only recently…" She trailed off, her regret making it hard to speak.

David nodded, tentatively pulling her into a hug. "Bad timing, huh?"

She clung to him, a strangely familiar and yet wholly new feeling settling over her. Nodding against his chest, she could feel her tears soaking into the material of his shirt.

"I know the feeling."

"You know…?" She trailed off, taking a peek at him. He was a little forlorn looking, a faraway expression on his face. Of course he knew, her very existence had been an example of epic "bad timing."

"Yeah. I'm trying to be angry at Margot for all of this. The deception, the omission. But it's really hard when I know she only did what was best for you… and frankly for all of us. It's just unfortunate that she did it in such 'Margot' way."

Riley let out a small chuckle. Her Aunt Margot (there was no way she was calling her mom) certainly did have a dramatic way of doing things. She pulled away from David. This time it was her giving him a reassuring squeeze.

They quietly gathered up the sugar, moving it to the kitchen. David took the opportunity to say one last thing. "I'm not saying it would have been all that different. We were kids, but it sure would have been nice to know, to have all the cards on the table." He weighed his next words carefully. "Does Danny know how you feel?"

She bit her bottom lip. "Maybe, uh, I'm not sure."

He nodded. "I never told Margot how I felt." There was a sad expression in his eyes. "I loved her, but I knew she didn't feel the same. She just wasn't that kind of person, wasn't ready." He laughed. "It wouldn't surprise me if she never settled down." Sighing, he continued. "But… I still wish I'd said something. Regret is a hard thing to live with."


End file.
